你们的关系遭遇“坎坷”。这次又是什么?

你们的关系遭遇“坎坷”。这次又是什么?

You buy a sports car, start hitting the gym and have an affair: It's the stereotypical midlife crisis, one we've seen played out both onscreen and in real life.

你买了一辆跑车，开始去健身房，然后有了外遇:这是典型的中年危机，我们在屏幕上和现实生活中都看到过。

Although not everyone acts out middle-age angst in such a way, many of us do experience a reckoning or longing as we approach midlife, the feeling of hitting a wall and wondering if there isn't more to life -- and in, particular, to marriage.

虽然不是每个人都以这种方式表现出中年时的焦虑，但当我们接近中年时，很多人确实会经历一种算计或渴望，一种碰壁的感觉，想知道生活中是否还有更多的东西——尤其是婚姻。

I often see this phenomenon in my own practice, as one or both partners begin to question their relationship. Even in younger couples, disagreements over classic issues such as finances, parenthood and sex can lead to concerns that they may not be on the same page regarding many of life's greatest stressors and demands.

我经常在自己的现实生活中看到这种现象，当一方或双方开始质疑他们的关系时。即使是年轻夫妇，在财务、为人父母和性等经典问题上的分歧也可能导致他们担心，在生活中大的压力和需求上，他们可能意见不一。

Are such couples headed for divorce, or are they simply mired in difficulties that could be better navigated together?

这样的夫妻是走向离婚，还是他们只是陷入了可以更好地一起度过的困境?

There are some advice for couples trying to get out of midlife rough patches, as well as for younger couples hoping to avoid them altogether.

这里有一些给那些想要走出中年困境的夫妇的建议，也有一些给那些想要完全避免中年困境的年轻夫妇的建议。

Develop your communication skills

建立你的沟通技巧

Good communication is key, de Marneffe says -- not just the ability to discuss critical relationship issues but to know what you want and express that. "We get hung up on the idea of having a lot in common with a potential partner," she says. "That's all well and good, but your ability to communicate in a healthy way is more important."

良好的沟通是关键，de Marneffe说——不仅仅是讨论关键关系问题的能力，还有知道你想要什么并表达什么的能力。她说:“我们总是想着和潜在的伴侣有很多共同之处。”“这很好，但你以健康的方式交流的能力更重要。”

Work on yourself

从自身入手

We expect our partners to change to suit our preferences, but if you don't know what you want or how to articulate that, how can you expect your partner to know?You should learn how to express your emotions."I'm suggesting a paradigm shift in the way we view relationships," de Marneffe says. "It's not all about your partner -- it's about changing yourself, too."

我们期望伴侣根据我们的喜好做出改变，但如果你不知道自己想要什么，或者不知道如何表达，你怎么能指望伴侣知道呢?你应该学会如何表达你的情绪。

Talk about big issues early on

尽早谈论大问题

In "The Rough Patch," de Marneffe gives advice for tackling a variety of major relationship demands, including one of the biggest issues for many couples: money.

在《艰难时刻》中，德·马尼夫(de Marneffe)d对处理各种主要关系的需求给出建议，其中包括很多夫妻面临的最大问题之一:钱。

Of course, when you're newly in love, hashing out finances is hardly sexy. "Money seems far too mundane to discuss for couples in the first blush of romance, but it can be a huge source of stress," she says. "Good communication skills will help you talk sooner rather than later about difficult subjects, including financial concerns."

当然，当你刚刚坠入爱河时，财务问题并不会让你觉得棘手。她说:“对于刚开始恋爱的情侣来说，谈论金钱似乎太过平淡无奇，但它可能会成为巨大的压力来源。”“良好的沟通技巧将帮助你尽早谈论困难话题，包括财务问题。”

Learn to listen

学会倾听

Self-awareness and self-responsibility are critical ingredients to a successful marriage, de Marneffe says. Even if you're still in the process of working on your own issues, simply expressing that to your partner can make a difference in your relationship.

de Marneffe说，自我意识和自我责任感是成功婚姻的关键因素。即使你还在处理你自己的问题，简单地向你的伴侣表达你的想法就能改变你们的关系。