Quora精选：如何看到一个人的真面目？

Q: What is the single most revealing thing about any person?

问：有什么事情最能揭示一个人的本质？

Not something they can tell you, something you can observe.

不是别人告诉你的东西，而是自己能观察到的。

Answered by Jill Uchiyama

Jill Uchiyama的回复：

I had a teacher who said it best.

我的一个老师说得很好。

You don't know who someone is until you see them under pressure.

只有在一个人处于压力之下的时候，你才能真正了解他。

It is when we are under pressure that our true colors come out, when the ego's ass is put to the fire and we become the gateway between our survival self and doing what is humane and expressing integrity.

在压力之下，我们的本性会暴露无遗。火烧屁股的时候，我们便到了抉择当口，是选择保全自己，还是表现自我和品质。

If you think about it, it is really easy to be a nice person when there is no pressure in your life. It is easy to give money to those in need when you have it in your wallet. It is easy to smile when you're already laughing. It is easy to dance when you are in love with someone or with life itself. You don't mind donating money or doing extra favors when you have the time. Even arguing is ok when you are feeling fine otherwise.

如果仔细想想，当生活毫无压力时，做个好人其实很容易。当你有钱的时候，接济他人不是难事。当你已经开怀大笑时，微笑就会变得轻而易举。当你正和某人热恋，或很热爱生活时，你很容易就能手舞足蹈。你不会介意捐些钱，或是在闲暇时给他人一些额外的帮助。当你在其他方面感觉还不错时，甚至连吵架都没什么关系。

But, put some pressure on the same person and you may be face to face with a demon.

但是，如果给同一个人施加一些压力，你可能就得跟魔鬼面对面了。

It happens to all of us. And it's humbling to see where we really are in relation to life.

我们每个人都碰到过这种情况。看到我们在生活中的真实面貌，让人感到十分惭愧。

Answered by Ishavasyam Dash

Ishavasyam Dash的回复：

By what they choose to do in their free time.

看他们闲下来的时候都会干什么。

There is popular belief that ‘true colours’ of a person are revealed under situations of stress and pressure and how they behave therein. However I am inclined to disagree. Look at nature itself – a rabbit is overall a harmless, furry little animal that minds its own business and nibbles on carrots. But if provoked, or attacked rabbits have been known to lunge, bite and scratch. If you had to write a behavioural report on the species would you highlight their nature basis their day-to-day patterns or outright judge on instances when they are cornered?

大家普遍认为，压力之下的举止会暴露一个人的本性。然而我并不赞同。从天性本身来看，兔子在绝大多数时候都是一种无害的、毛茸茸的小动物，它只顾着它自个儿那点事，啃啃胡萝卜。但是如果它们被激怒或者被攻击了，它们会冲过来咬你、抓你。如果你要写一篇兔子的行为研究报告，你会着重写它们发自天性的日常行为，还是根据它们被逼得狗急跳墙时的表现直接判断？

Stress and pressure make base survival instincts kick in – and the result is not pretty. Different people have different coping mechanisms; and though some people may deal with bad situations more gracefully than others I don't think that should be the yardstick of measuring anyone. People might sulk, withdraw, scream, cry or maintain nonchalance – but I believe all that is momentary and in the situational context. It does not mean that those people are not nice.

压力会激发基本的生存本能——这结果可不太好。人们各有各的应对机制，纵使某些人应对困境时比其他人更得体，我也不认为那应该成为普适的衡量标准。人可能会生闷气，畏缩，尖叫，哭泣，或者无动于衷，但我相信这一切都只是当时那个情况下暂时的表现。这并不意味着这些人不好。

On the other hand, the people who are able to deal with pressure situations too well, are either very experienced in this regard or maybe apathetic or unemotional in general. I am sure all great leaders show this trait. They consciously learn it because they can't be losing their heads as this would demoralize their teams. People who lead armies into war are especially trained in maintaining calm in tough situations. Does this tell anything about how they are as people? Probably not.

另一方面，那些能游刃有余地应对压力的人，要么在这方面经验丰富，要么总的来说就是个冷漠或者不动声色的人。我相信，所有伟大的领导人都彰显了这种特质。他们会有意识地去学习这点，因为他们不能惊慌失措，否则整个团队都会丧失信心。带领军队上战场的将领要经过特别培训，学习在身处困境的时候保持冷静。这能说明他们是什么样的人吗？恐怕不能。

Similarly, on the other end of the spectrum, one cannot tell much about the nature when a person is very happy. The true nature would be masked behind glowing smiles and exceptionally good conduct. This too is momentary and needs to be viewed in the situational context.

类似的，从另一个方面来看，当一个人非常幸福快乐时，也很难看出他的本性。热情洋溢的笑容和格外良好的举止会掩饰一个人的本来面貌。这一样是暂时的，需要放在当时的情景下去看。

I think the true nature of a person is revealed in life-as-usual circumstances when a person is not on an atypical emotional curve. These times make up for statistical majority in an average human’s life, and hence should be taken as the background when assessing the personality. How do you behave at the dinner table every evening? How do you spend your Sunday afternoons? How often do you meet and talk to friends and family? What do you usually talk about? How do you feel on your commute to work and back? Do you make way for someone who is in a rush? Are you a natural critique or someone who compliments easily?

我认为，当一个人的情绪波动不大时，他的本性会在日常生活中显现出来。从统计学意义上来说，这占据了一个普通人生命里的绝大多数时光，因此在评价一个人时应该以此为背景。你每天晚上在餐桌上的表现如何？你周日午后都在做什么？你多久会与亲友小聚畅谈？通常在聊什么？你对每天赶着上下班的感觉如何？你会给一个行色匆匆的人让道吗？你天性爱批评还是热衷于赞美他人？

Out of all these, I feel a good insight to a person can be had by knowing what they do with their free time. It’s very telling what a person chooses to do with time that is truly theirs.

出于以上几点，我觉得，想深入了解一个人就得了解他在闲暇时会做些什么。在真正属于他的时间里，他选择去做什么往往很能说明问题。