Q: What does it feel like to be stupid? Answered by Anonymous
The following is an account of a true but unusual experience (I'm not a doctor and I'm only telling my story, to the best of my understanding):
佚名:
下面描述的是一段真实而不寻常的经历(我不是医生,只是尽自己的理解讲述我的故事):
I had an undiagnosed arterial problem for a couple of years, which reduced the blood supply to my heart and probably to my brain too, and seemed to have depleted B vitamins from my nerves (probably to keep the heart in good repair). Although there is some vagueness as to the mechanisms, this made me forgetful, slow, and easily overwhelmed. In short, I felt like I was stupid compared to what I was used to, and I was. The symptoms were very atypical for what was eventually revealed to be a fairly typical heart condition.
有那么几年我的动脉一直有问题,但是没有被诊断出来,这个毛病会减少我心脏和大脑的供血,而且好像也会过度消耗维持神经系统正常运作的维生素B(大概是拿去护养心脏了)。虽然其中的原理还不清楚,但它导致我健忘、迟钝,也很容易不知所措。简单的说,我感觉自己和过去相比笨了很多,事实上也的确如此。这个毛病后来被诊断出是一个典型的心脏问题,而我的症状却是非常不典型的。
It was frightening at first because I knew something wasn't right but didn't know what, and very worrying for my career because I was simply not very good any more.
最初我很害怕,因为我感觉哪里不对劲,却找不出问题所在。我还很担心我的工作,因为我确实不再那么优秀了。
However, once I got used to it and resigned myself, it was great. Even though I knew I had a worrying illness, I was happy as a pig in mud. I no longer had the arrogance of being frustrated with slow people, I abandoned many projects which reduced a lot of stress, I could enjoy films without knowing what would happen (my nickname before this used to be 'comic book guy' if you get the reference, on account of always knowing what would happen and being quite contemptuous of the writer's simplicity), and I became amazingly laid back and happy go lucky. I got on with people much better. I developed much more respect for one of my friends in particular who I always considered slow - it turned out he is much deeper than I thought, I just never had the patience to notice before. You could say I had more time to look around. The world just made more sense.
不过,一旦我接受了事实,并摆脱了这些害怕和焦虑,感觉就好多了。尽管知道我的病令人担忧,我却是如鱼得水一般的快活。我再也不会高高在上地嫌弃那些笨拙的人了,我放弃了很多项目,这样一来压力也小了很多。我能够在不知道情节的情况下去欣赏一部电影(我以前有个外号叫漫画男(注1),你懂的,因为我总能知道剧情接下来会怎么发展,而且还常瞧不起那些编剧的“单蠢”)。我现在非常随和而且无忧无虑,人际关系也好了很多。我曾经认为我一个朋友反应迟钝,但现在对他尊敬多了。现在我才发现,他比我想象的要深沉的多,只是以前我没那个耐心去发现而已。也可以说,我现在有更多的时间去探索发现,这个世界变得有意义多了。
The only negative, apart from struggling to perform at work, and having to write everything down, was that I no longer found sci-fi interesting - it just didn't seem important. (I'm not joking, although it sounds like a cliché.)
除了工作的时候要比以前费力,什么事情都要写下来以防忘记之外,唯一的坏处就是,我对科幻小说失去了兴趣——它貌似不重要了(听起来很老套,但我不是开玩笑啊)。
Injections of B12 every other day, for a month helped a lot, but I was still not right. Cornflakes also helped a bit (due to folic acid I suspect, which I'm now on a daily dose of). The issues did not go away though, which included the cognitive issues, feeling cold all the time, numb fingers, and being prone to snoozing.
我曾经每隔一天都要注射B12,注射了一个月之后,情况改善了很多,但病还是没完全好。吃玉米片也能有所帮助(我猜是因为里面有叶酸,现在我每天都要摄入一剂量叶酸)。但各种症状并未消失,像认知障碍啊,总是觉得冷啊,手指麻木没知觉啊,还老是想打盹。
Eventually after more physical and life threatening symptoms developed I got the right tests and they found my arteries were blocked up. Two of the three main coronary arteries were completely blocked - they couldn't work out how I was alive, and had avoided any angina or a heart attack. I later found out that I had unusually good peripheral circulation, probably from the intense cycling that I was very fond of.
在身体不适感加重,危及生命的症状逐步恶化后,医生总算给我做了些有用的测试,发现是动脉阻塞。三条主冠状动脉中的两条被完全堵死了。医生们想不通我怎么还活着,并且怎么没有任何心绞痛和心脏病发的症状。后来我发现,我的末梢循环特别发达,这可能得益于我钟爱高强度自行车运动。
I've since had stents to open up the arteries again and made a full recovery of all symptoms. Physically I felt like superman the first time I got back on my bike and raced up a local hill at about 30mph. And mentally, the difference was equally startling.
随后我装了心脏支架以扩张动脉,这使我的各种病症得以痊愈。就身体方面而言,当我第一次重新骑上自行车,以30迈的速度奔到附近的山上时,我觉得自己像个超人一样。而精神上,同样也发生了非常大的变化。
After a year or so I am almost as 'clever' as I used to be, although I tend to ignore distractions more than I used to and focus on a smaller number of projects. I'm still more laid back than I used to be though, and have more patience with people. Most people still find me more socially competent. I also enjoy sci-fi again.
大约一年之后,我几乎是“聪明如初”了,但和过去相比,我不那么容易分心了,而是专注于几项工作。不过我仍然比病前多了几分懒散,也有更多的耐心与人相处。大家觉得我依然平易近人,我也重新爱上了科幻小说。
So an unusual perspective, from a fairly unusual circumstance, but that's what it feels like to be stupid when you used to consider yourself fairly bright. In some ways it was a great learning experience, although obviously in other ways it is a life changing fact I have to live with. Heart disease cannot be cured, just the consequences relieved for a while; I'll have to live a healthy lifestyle for the rest of my life and even so, be subject to future procedures. Not many people get to walk about in other peoples shoes, and then more or less pick up where they left off. It's also obviously nice to still be alive.
因此,这是从一段不同寻常的经历得到的一个不同寻常的角度——作为一个曾经自认很聪明不凡的人,变笨的感觉是怎样的。从某些方面来说,这是一段很好的学习经历,但从另一方面来说,这显然是我必须接受的生死命运。心脏病是无法治愈的,只能暂时缓解。我必须在余生中保持健康的生活方式,即便如此,将来还是有可能再次动手术。没有几个人能体验别人的人生,还能多多少少回归自己原本的生活。没有什么比活着更好的了。
In short I would say that the frustration of dealing with slower people is worse than being one of the slower people, even if you know you are slow. I suspect most people who are relatively slow, don't know it, but I think I've glimpsed how they experience the world, and actually, I quite liked it.
简而言之,我想说,即使你知道自己笨,与笨人较真还是要比自己笨更痛苦。我怀疑大多数不那么聪明的人都不知道自己笨,而我却能去感知一回,以笨人的视角去看世界,说真的,这种感觉还不赖。
Update: Since I wrote this, several studies have linked memory problems and other cognitive issues to cardiovascular disease.
补充:自从我写了这篇文章,一些研究开始把心血管疾病同记忆问题和认知问题联系起来了。
注1:comic book guy是动画片《辛普森一家》里面的一个角色,是一个肥胖的有点神经质的中年男人,炒鸡喜欢收集连环画,并且IQ极高,还有点变态。并以妙语连珠,讽刺挖苦而出名。