Breathe. It will be okay.
深呼吸,你能行的。
1. Not so good – “God will never give you more than you can handle.”
不要说:“上帝不会让你承受更多苦难。”
Better – “This must be so hard for you.”
不如说:“我知道你肯定非常难受。”
2. Not so good – “I’m sure it’s all for the best.”
不要说:“我想这一切可能是最好的结果。”
Ack! Try really hard not to say this! Right now, the grieving person doesn’t see that anything is for the best except to have her loved one back.
我的天,千万别说这句话!这个沉浸在悲痛中的人并不觉得一切是好结果,除非她的至亲能够复活。
Better – “It’s hard to understand why these things happen.”
不如说:“真不知道为什么会发生这样的事情。”
3. Not so good – Saying nothing at all.
不要:什么都不说。
Better – “I’m not sure what to say but I want you to know I’m here for you.”
不如说:“我不知道该说些什么,你只要知道我一直都在你身边。”
4. Not so good – “He’s in a better place” or “Just be happy he isn’t in pain anymore.”
不要说:“他去了更好的地方” 或 “开心点,他不再痛苦了。”
These things are always so well-intentioned, but ouch! The place the griever wants him to be is with her, no matter how much pain he was in or how difficult the caregiving was.
这些话的初衷的确是好的,但是悲痛者还是希望至亲就在自己身边,无论至亲有着什么样的痛苦或者无论照顾起来是多么的麻烦。
Better – “You must miss him terribly.”
不如说:“你肯定十分想念他。”
5. Not so good – “I know exactly how you feel.”
不要说:“我完全知道你的感受。”
This is very tempting to say, but be careful: Even if you have experienced a loss, each person has their own unique path to travel so you can’t know exactly how he feels.
我们总会说这句话,但是记住,即使你也失去过亲人,但每个人的生命旅途不一样,所以你并不可能完全知道别人的感受。
Better – “I can’t begin to understand how you feel”
不如说:“我没法真正体会你现在的感受。”