2019年美国小姐切斯莉·克里斯特的新回忆录揭示她30岁自杀前的痛苦经历

By the age of 30, Cheslie Kryst had earned a law degree and an MBA, won the Miss USA crown and was working a high-profile job as an Emmy-nominated correspondent for Extra. On camera and on social media, Kryst was radiant and bubbly. When she died by suicide on Jan. 30, 2022, three months before her 31st birthday, it was an inexplicable shock to those familiar with her public persona.

到30岁时，切斯利·克里斯特已经获得了法律学位和MBA学位，赢得了美国小姐的桂冠，并作为《Extra》的一名获得艾美奖提名的记者，获得了一份备受瞩目的工作。在镜头和社交媒体上，克里斯特容光焕发，兴高采烈。2022年1月30日，也就是她31岁生日的前三个月，她自杀身亡，对那些熟悉她公众形象的人来说，这是一个无法解释的打击。

But those closest to her, like her mother April Simpkins , knew a different Kryst, one who suffered from depression and feared that she could never be good enough.

但她最亲近的人，比如她的母亲艾普丽尔·辛普金斯，认识了一个不同的克里斯特，她患有抑郁症，担心自己永远不够好。

Just before she died, Kryst left her mother a note asking her to fulfill a final wish: help get the memoir she'd been writing published. In her book, Kryst revealed that she carried with her an "unshakable feeling that I did not belong" and battled a "constant inner voice repeating 'never enough'. " She wrote of the pressures that came with her success, saying she felt "I had to be perfect because I had to represent for all youth, women, and Black people who also wanted to be in the room but had been denied access."

就在她去世之前，克里斯特给她的母亲留下了一张纸条，让她完成最后的愿望:帮助出版她一直在写的回忆录。在她的书中，克里斯特透露，她带着一种“不可动摇的感觉，我不属于这里”，并与“一个不断重复‘永远不够’的内心声音作斗争”。她写到成功带来的压力，她说她觉得“我必须完美，因为我必须代表所有想要进入这个房间却被拒绝进入的年轻人、女性和黑人。”

Simpkins, 56, carried out her daughter's last request, and in hopes of reaching out to others wrestling with mental illness, she added her own voice to the end of the book, sharing the heartbreaking moment she learned that Kryst was gone and the lessons she's learned in grieving her daughter. "I knew it was important to share this," Simpkins tell PEOPLE. "I knew there are other people who felt what I was feeling and could relate."

56岁的辛普金斯执行了女儿的最后一个请求，希望能帮助到其他与精神疾病作斗争的人，她在书的最后加上了自己的声音，分享了她得知克里斯特去世的心碎时刻，以及她在悲伤女儿的过程中学到的教训。“我知道分享这一点很重要，”辛普金斯告诉《人物》杂志。“我知道还有其他人和我有同样的感受，也能感同身受。”

Their book, By the Time You Read This: The Space Between Cheslie's Smile and Mental Illness, is out April 23. Proceeds from the book will go toward the Cheslie C. Kryst Foundation, which supports mental health programs for youth and young adults.

他们的新书《当你读到这本书的时候:切斯利的微笑和精神疾病之间的空间》将于4月23日出版。这本书的收入将捐给Cheslie C. Kryst基金会，该基金会支持青少年和年轻人的心理健康项目。