布兰妮说在她13年的演艺生涯中，以为她的家人要杀她:“我没有看到出路”

Britney Spears has revealed that she felt like her family was trying to kill her throughout her 13-year conservatorship.

布兰妮·斯皮尔斯透露，在她13年的演艺生涯中，她觉得她的家人试图杀死她。

In a new excerpt of her memoir, The Woman in Me, obtained by Time, the pop icon admitted that she was restrained by her family and taken to the hospital following a 2008 incident where she locked herself in a bathroom with her son, Jayden, because she was worried she’d never see her boys again. After that, her father, Jamie Spears, filed the papers to enter her into her conservatorship.

在《时代》杂志获得的她的回忆录The Woman In Me的一段新摘录中，这位流行偶像承认，2008年的一次事件发生后，她和儿子杰登把自己锁在浴室里，因为她担心再也见不到她的儿子们了。她被家人控制住并被送往医院。在那之后，她的父亲杰米·斯皮尔斯提交了文件，让她接受监护权。

“At various times I pushed back, especially when my father took away access to my cell phone,” she wrote in the book. “I would be smuggled a private phone and try to break free. But they always caught me.”

她在书中写道:“有好几次我都在反抗，尤其是当我父亲不让我用手机的时候。”“我会被偷运一部私人电话，试图逃脱。但他们总是抓住我。”

She continued, “And here’s the sad, honest truth: After everything I had been through, I didn’t have a lot of fight left in me. I was tired, and I was scared, too. After being held down on a gurney, I knew they could restrain my body any time they wanted to. They could’ve tried to kill me, I thought. I started to wonder if they did want to kill me.”

她继续说道:“这是一个悲伤而诚实的事实:在我经历了这一切之后，我已经没有多少斗志了。我很累，也很害怕。在被按在轮床上之后，我知道他们可以随时控制我的身体。我想他们可能想杀了我。我开始怀疑他们是不是真的想杀我。”

When her father took control of her life, she explained that she felt her spirit retreat from her body, causing her to go on autopilot and hoping that if she played along, they would let her live her life how she wanted to. “I didn’t see a way out,” she wrote.

当她的父亲控制了她的生活时，她解释说，她感到她的灵魂从她的身体中撤退，导致她开始自动驾驶，并希望如果她配合，他们会让她过她想要的生活。“我看不到出路，”她写道。

A decade later, Spears again felt like her life was in jeopardy when Jamie Spears forced her to check into a Beverly Hills rehab program and told her if she didn’t cooperate he would take her to court and make her “look like a fucking idiot.” She went to rehab, and when she reached out to her sister, Jamie Lynn Spears, for help, the Zoey 101 star allegedly texted back, “Stop fighting it.”

十年后，布兰妮再次感到自己的生命处于危险之中，因为杰米·斯皮尔斯强迫她进入比佛利山庄的康复计划，并告诉她如果她不合作，他就把她告上法庭，让她“看起来像个白痴”。她去了戒毒所，当她向她的妹妹杰米·林恩·斯皮尔斯寻求帮助时，据说这位《佐伊101》的明星回了一条短信，“别再反抗了。”

“Along with the rest of them, she kept acting like I was a threat in some way,” Spears added. “This will sound crazy, but I’ll say it again because it’s the truth: I thought they were going to try to kill me.”

“她和其他人一样，在某种程度上一直把我当作威胁，”斯皮尔斯补充道。“这听起来很疯狂，但我要再说一遍，因为这是事实:我以为他们要杀我。”

After months in rehab, Spears shared that she returned home and her family insisted on being around her. She explained that she was a shell of a human and still on lithium, which made things hazy.

在接受了几个月的康复治疗后，布兰妮说她回到了家，她的家人坚持要陪在她身边。她解释说，她只是一个人的躯壳，还在服用锂，这让事情变得模糊。

“It crossed my mind that they were only visiting to finish off what they’d started a few months earlier, to kill me for real,” she wrote. “If that sounds paranoid, consider all the things I’d been through up until this point — the ways in which they had deceived and institutionalized me.”

“我突然想到，他们只是来完成几个月前开始的事情，真的要杀了我，”她写道。“如果这听起来很偏执，想想我在这之前所经历的一切——他们欺骗我和把我收容起来的方式。”

In other excerpts of the memoir published in the week leading up to its official release, Spears has revealed that she had an abortion while she was with Justin Timberlake and how her interview with Diane Sawyer following her breakup with the NSYNC frontman was a “breaking point” for her.

在正式出版前一周出版的回忆录的其他片段中，斯皮尔斯透露，她和贾斯汀·汀布莱克在一起时堕胎了，她和超级男孩主唱分手后接受黛安·索耶的采访是她的“崩溃点”。