《渺小一生》:“我今天知道了你好多事。”

　 “I doubt that,” he said. “And I’m coming.”

“我很怀疑。”他说，“我要去。”

　 The picnic was held on the grounds of a large old mansion on the Hudson, a more polished cousin of the house in which he had shot Uncle Vanya, and the entire firm—partners, associates, staff, and their families—had been invited. As they walked down the clover-thick back lawn toward the gathering, he had felt abruptly and unusually shy, keenly aware that he was an interloper, and when Jude was just minutes later plucked away from him by the firm’s chairman, who said he had some business he needed to discuss, quickly but urgently, he had to resist actually reaching out for Jude, who turned and gave him an apologetic smile and held up his hand—Five minutes—as he left.

那个烤肉会在哈德逊河谷一处古老大宅的庭院举行，类似他拍《凡尼亚舅舅》的那栋房子，只是更精致，受邀的包括整个律师事务所的合伙律师、普通律师、职员，还有他们的家人。他和裘德沿着长满苜蓿的后草坪朝人群走去时，他忽然觉得异常害羞，强烈地意识到自己是个闯入者。才几分钟过后，裘德就被事务所的主席拉走，说有事情得跟裘德讨论，很快但很急，他还得忍着不要伸手拉住裘德，而裘德离开时转头给了他一个歉意的微笑，举起一手示意——五分钟就回来。

　 So he was grateful for the sudden presence of Sanjay, one of the very few colleagues of Jude’s he had met, and who had the year before joined him as co-chair of his department so Jude could concentrate on bringing in new business while Sanjay handled the administrative and managerial details. He and Sanjay remained at the top of the hill, looking at the crowd beneath them, Sanjay pointing out to him various associates and young partners whom he and Jude hated. (Some of these doomed lawyers would turn and see Sanjay looking in their direction and Sanjay would wave back at them, cheerfully, muttering dark things about their lack of competence and resourcefulness to Willem as he did.) He began noticing that people were glancing up at him and then looking away, and one woman, who had been walking uphill, had ungracefully veered off in the opposite direction after noticing him standing there.

于是当桑杰忽然出现时，他非常感激。桑杰是裘德的同事中极少数他见过的同事之一，前一年才刚成为裘德那个部门的共同主任，负责行政和管理的细节，好让裘德专心带入更多新客户。他和桑杰一直站在小山山顶，看着底下的人群，桑杰指了好几个他和裘德很讨厌的同事和年轻合伙律师给他看（有些还回过头来，看到桑杰就挥挥手，桑杰也会开心地挥手响应，只是嘴巴还喃喃地和威廉抱怨他们缺乏能力，或不够机智）。他开始注意到有人会朝他看，然后又别开眼睛，其中一个本来在走上坡的女人留意到他站在那里，还颇没礼貌地折往反方向。

　 “I can see I’m a big hit here,” he joked to Sanjay, who smiled back at him.

“看得出来，我在这里很受欢迎啊。”他跟桑杰开玩笑。桑杰朝他露出微笑。

　 “They’re not intimidated by you, Willem,” he said. “They’re intimidated by Jude.” He grinned. “Okay, and by you as well.”

“威廉，他们不是怕你，”他说，“他们是怕裘德，”他咧嘴笑了，“好吧，他们也怕你。”

　 Finally, Jude was returned to him, and they stood talking to the chairman (“I’m a big fan”) and Sanjay for a while before moving down the hill, where Jude introduced him to some of the people he’d heard about over the years. One of the paralegals asked to take a picture with him, and after he had, other people asked as well, and when Jude was pulled away from him again, he found himself listening to one of the partners in the tax department, who began describing to him his own stunt sequences from the second of his spy movies. At one point during Isaac’s monologue he had looked across the lawn and had caught Jude’s eye, who mouthed his apologies, and he had shaken his head and grinned back at him, but then had tugged on his left ear—their old signal—and although he hadn’t expected it, when he had looked over again, it was to see Jude marching toward him.

终于，裘德回来找他了。他们站在那里跟主席（“我是你的忠实粉丝”）和桑杰聊了一会儿，就开始走下坡。到了下面，裘德介绍他认识了几个人，都是多年来他听裘德提到过的。其中一个律师助理要求跟他合照，之后就有其他人也要合照。等到裘德再度被人拉走时，他发现眼前是税务部门的合伙律师艾萨克，正滔滔不绝地跟他描述他那“间谍三部曲”系列中第二部的一些特技场面。他听着艾萨克的独白，一度望向草坪对面，对上裘德的眼睛。裘德做出道歉的嘴型，他摇摇头咧嘴笑了，但接着拉了拉左耳垂（他们的老暗号），没想到等他再望向草坪对面时，就看到裘德正大步朝他们走来。

　 “Sorry, Isaac,” he’d said, firmly, “I’ve got to borrow Willem for a while,” and off he had pulled him. “I’m really sorry, Willem,” he whispered as they moved away, “the social ineptitude on display is particularly bad today; are you feeling like a panda at the zoo? On the other hand, I did tell you it was going to be awful. We can go in ten minutes, I promise.”

“对不起，艾萨克，”他坚定地说，“我得借用威廉一下。”就把他拉走。“真对不起，威廉。”他们离开时，裘德跟他低声说，“今天大家的社交技巧特别糟糕；你觉得自己像动物园里的熊猫吗？不过另一方面，我可是警告过你会很可怕的。再过十分钟，我们就可以离开了，我保证。”

　 “No, it’s okay,” he said. “I’m enjoying myself.” He always found it revealing to witness Jude in this other life of his, around the people who owned him for more hours a day than Willem himself did. Earlier, he had watched as Jude walked toward a group of young associates who were braying loudly over something on one of their phones. But when they saw Jude approaching them, they had nudged one another and grown silent and polite, greeting him with a heartiness so robust and obvious that Willem had cringed, and only once Jude had passed them did they huddle over the phone again, but more quietly this time.

“不会，没事的。”他说，“我玩得很开心呢。”他总觉得目睹裘德生活的另一面，置身在每天跟裘德相处更多时间的人群中，是很有启发的一件事。稍早，他看着裘德走向一群年轻的普通律师，他们正在对着其中一人的手机大声讨论着。但他们一发现裘德走近，就互相撞着手肘，变得沉默有礼，对着他明显又起劲地打招呼，搞得威廉很不安，而且直到裘德走过去，他们才又再度围拢在那手机周围，但这回小声一点了。

　 By the time Jude was taken away from him a third time, he was feeling confident enough to begin introducing himself to the small pack of people who orbited him in a loose ring, smiling in his direction. He met a tall Asian woman named Clarissa whom he remembered Jude speaking about approvingly. “I’ve heard a lot of great things about you,” he said, and Clarissa’s face changed into a radiant, relieved smile. “Jude’s talked about me?” she asked. He met an associate whose name he couldn’t remember who told him that Black Mercury 3081 had been the first R-rated movie he had ever seen, which made him feel tremendously old. He met another associate in Jude’s department who said that he’d taken two classes with Harold in law school and wondered what Harold was like, really. He met Jude’s secretaries’ children, and Sanjay’s son, and dozens of other people, a few of whom he had heard about by name but most of whom he hadn’t.

等裘德第三度从他身边被拖走，他已经觉得够自在，可以开始跟周围那一小群朝他微笑的人自我介绍了。他认识了一个叫克拉丽莎的高个子亚裔女人，想起裘德提过她，很是赞赏。“我听说过你不少了不起的事迹。”他说。克拉丽莎露出一脸灿烂、放心的笑容。“裘德提到过我？”她问。他还认识了一个记不起名字的普通律师，跟他说《黑色水星3081》是他看过的第一部限制级电影，让他觉得自己好老。他还认识了裘德那个部门的另一个律师，说自己曾在法学院修过哈罗德的两门课，一直很好奇哈罗德私底下是什么样子。他还见到裘德几个秘书的小孩、桑杰的儿子，还有几十个人，其中几个他听过名字，但大部分都没听过。

　 It was a hot, breezeless, brilliant day, and although he had drunk steadily all afternoon—limonata, water, prosecco, iced tea—it had been such a busy gathering that by the time they left, two hours later, neither of them had actually had the opportunity to eat anything, and they stopped at a farm stand to buy corn so they could grill it with zucchini and tomatoes from their garden up at the house.

那是个炎热无风的大晴天，他整个下午都持续在喝水——柠檬水、水、普罗赛克气泡葡萄酒、冰红茶，但是这场聚会太过忙碌，两个小时后他们离开时，两个人都没有机会吃东西。于是他们半路在一家农场的摊子旁停下来买玉米，等回到加里森的家里，可以连同从菜园摘的夏南瓜和西红柿一起烤来吃。

　 “I learned a lot about you today,” he told Jude as they ate their dinner under the dark blue sky. “I learned that most of the firm is terrified of you and think that if they kiss up to me, I might put in a good word with you. I learned that I’m even older than I had realized. I learned that you’re right: you do work with a bunch of nerds.”

“我今天知道了你好多事。”他们在深蓝色的天空下吃晚餐时，他告诉裘德，“我现在知道事务所里大部分人都怕你怕得要死，而且他们认为巴结我，我可能会在你面前讲点好话。现在我知道我比我想的更老。我现在知道你说得没错：你的同事的确是一群呆瓜。”

　 Jude had been smiling, but now he laughed. “See?” he asked. “I told you, Willem.”

裘德原先一直保持微笑，但现在大笑起来。“看吧？”他说，“威廉，我早跟你说过了。”

　 “But I had a great time,” he said. “I did! I want to come again. But next time I think we should invite JB, and blow Rosen Pritchard’s collective mind,” and Jude had laughed again.

“不过我玩得很开心。”他说，“真的！我还想再去。只是下回我觉得我们应该邀请杰比一起去，一定会把罗森·普理查德那些人都给吓死。”裘德又大笑起来。

　 That had been almost two months ago, and since then, he has spent most of his time at Lantern House. As an early fifty-second birthday present, he’d asked Jude to take off every Saturday for the rest of the summer, and Jude has: every Friday he drives up to the house; every Monday morning, he drives back to the city. Because Jude would have the car during the week, he’d rented—partly as a joke, though he was secretly enjoying driving around in it—a convertible, in an alarming color that Jude referred to as “harlot red.” During the weekdays, he reads and swims and cooks and sleeps; he has a very busy autumn coming up, and he knows from how replenished and calm he feels that he’ll be ready.

那是将近两个月前了，之后他大部分时间都待在灯笼屋。他要求裘德这个夏天接下来的每个星期六都别去上班，当成提早送他52岁的生日礼物。裘德答应了：每个星期五他就开车过来，星期一早上再开车回纽约市。因为裘德上班要用车，他就租了一辆敞篷车。那辆车有个被裘德形容为“荡妇红”的吓人颜色（有点开玩笑，不过他心底其实很乐于开这辆车）。工作日，他阅读、游泳、做菜、睡觉；接下来的秋天会很忙，但是从自己的充实感和冷静感中，他知道他会准备好的。

　 At the grocery store he fills a paper bag with limes, and then a second one with lemons, buys some extra seltzer water, and drives to the train station, where he waits, leaning his head on the seat and closing his eyes until he hears Malcolm calling his name and sits up.

这会儿他开车来到杂货店，拿了个纸袋装满青柠，再用另一个纸袋装柠檬，另外还买了些气泡水，然后开车到火车站。他在车上等着，头往后靠，闭上眼睛，直到他听见马尔科姆喊着他的名字，才坐直身子。

　 “JB didn’t come,” Malcolm says, sounding annoyed, as Willem kisses him and Sophie hello. “He and Fredrik broke up—maybe—this morning. But maybe they didn’t, because he said he was going to come up tomorrow. I couldn’t really figure out what was going on.”

“杰比不来了。”马尔科姆说，听起来很不高兴，同时威廉吻了他和苏菲。“今天早上，他和弗雷德里克好像分手了。但或许没有，因为他说他明天再过来。我真的搞不懂是怎么回事。”

　 He groans. “I’ll call him from the house,” he says. “Hi, Soph. Have you guys eaten lunch yet? We can start cooking as soon as we get back.”

他哀叹，“我回去再打电话给他。”他说，“嗨，苏菲。你们吃过中饭了没？我们一回去就可以开始做饭了。”

　 They haven’t, so he calls Jude to tell him he can start boiling the water for the pasta, but Jude’s already begun. “I got the limes,” he tells him. “And JB’s not coming until tomorrow; some difficulty with Fredrik that Mal couldn’t quite follow. Do you want to call him and find out what’s happening?”

他们没吃中饭，所以他打电话给裘德，要他烧水准备煮意大利面，但裘德已经开始做了。“我买到青柠了。”他告诉他，“杰比要到明天才会来，他跟弗雷德里克出了点状况，马尔科姆不太清楚。你要不要打电话问他怎么回事？”

　 He loads his friends’ bags into the backseat, and Malcolm gets in, glancing at the car’s trunk as he does. “Interesting color,” he says.

他把马尔科姆夫妇的行李袋放到后座，马尔科姆也坐后座，看了一眼车身后方。“这颜色真有趣啊。”他说。

　 “Thanks,” he says. “It’s called ‘harlot red.’ ”

“谢了，”他说，“这叫‘荡妇红’。”