GRE写作满分范文二十八

"Both the development of technological tools and the uses to which humanity has put them have created modern civilizations in which loneliness is ever increasing."

This statement is stating. The more advance in tecnology that society becomes, the more we depend on technology to live our everyday lives. Society as a whole will out do daily tasks and depend more on machines and computers to accomplish those tasks for them. For example; I was told that the younger generations use caclators in classes on a everday level. We counld'nt do that. We had to resolve a problem on our own. Because caculators are being used, math problems are being adjusted around the caculators. If I didnt know how to use a caculator today then I most likely woulnd't know how to attempt to tackle the math of today. Computers of today are another example. Writing a essay took a lot of thought and hard work in past. Today, I can type some words in the computer and that computer will spell, make grammer correction, and dictate a right form to use in my essay. In the past we had to all these things on our own. I'm not putting down modern technology totally. I just want to state that if we take away people's ability to think then we will slowly loose our ability to function with out modern technology.

Comments:

This response is fundamentally deficient because it does not discuss the issue. Instead, it briefly discusses the drawbacks of specific types of technology (e.g., calculators and computers) in terms of the effect they have on an individual's ability to function without them.

Furthermore, the awkward and imprecise phrasing often interferes with meaning (e.g., "Society as a whole will out do daily tasks???").