英语GRE作文：点评一篇GRE 作文习作

          5. “One of the most clever use of emotion to differ itself is seen in the old Volvo slogan, ‘Volvo, the car for people who think’”。首先，“differ”为不及物动词，不能后接宾语，故应改成“differentiate (…from…)。其次，反身代词“itself”严重失误，因为按照语法规则它在这里只能指代主语，即“the use of emotion”。实际上，文章作者想指代的是“Volvo”汽车，但由于反身代词不可能出现在所指代的对象之前，故这里可改成“to differentiate one product from similar products”。

　　 6.“The suggested reason for buying the car is obvious: it is the intelligent choice, and this is where the unique idea appeals to people----they want to be included in the group of intelligent, thoughful people.”既然文章作者引用的是“Volvo”的一个“old slogan”，故为了做到严谨，所有动词应改成过去时态。此外，“this”应改成“that”，“where”应改成“how”，“thoughful”拼写有误，应改成“thoughtful”。

　　7.“So we can conclude that when you’ve got something special, you stand out and go ahead of your competitors.”用“go ahead of”来表示“超过，胜出”有失恰当，应改成“get ahead of…”或“get the upper hand of…”。

　　8.“However, overemphasizing apparent differences may mask the meaningful similarities between things, which would do harm to the meaningful and constructive communication not only between individuals but also even between different cultures.” “not only…but also…”已含有递进关系，故“even”是多余的。

　　9.“First of all, too much focus on apparent differences may narrow ones eyesight and blind him from the basic and foundamental similarity in common with others, which is the very element that understanding, helpful discussion, and potential cooperation necessaries to develop.” 首先，“ones”应改成所有格的形式“one’s”。其次，“eyesight”表示生理上的视力，而文章所需要的看问题的“眼光”，故应改成“sight”或“vision”或“perspective”。词组“blind sb. from sth.”是有误的，应改成“blind sb. to sth.”；“foundamental”拼写有误，应改成“fundamental”，“similarity”应改成复数的“similarities”；在“similarity”后面使用“in common with…”是重复的，应改成介词“to”。“that”引导的定语从句有误，“necessaries”是凭空捏造的动词，根本没有这个词汇，应改成“…that is necessary for…to develop”，此外，“discussion”应采用复数形式。

　　10.“In addition, without the acknowledge of the common share between different cultures in human nature , such as desire, love, hate, jealousy, etc., and in its function to cultivate its peopel and to serve the power of its nation, one may find it really hard to understand another culture’s customs and values deviating from his own, and that is where his bias and prejudice toward that culture starts and forms.”该句前半部分，即主句之前的所有内容不知所云，表述严重含混不清。首先，“the acknowledge of”有误，整个应改成“acknowledging”，最起码也应该改成”the acknowledgement of…”。 作为单数的所有格“its”只能指“the common share”或“human nature”， 但照此理解将引起巨大混乱。据推断，应是指复数的“cultures”，故应改成”their”。此外，“peoel”拼写有误，应改成“people”。主句中的“deviating from his own”应改成“（that are）different from his own”。前半部分所要表达的意思可能是：“此外，如果不承认不同文化分享着人性的某些共同的侧面，如欲望，爱憎，嫉妒等情感，并且每一种文化都起着教育其民众，增强该民族力量的作用的话，那么，…”。原文应彻底重新组织（见后面的“改后稿”）。