考研英语作文考场范文批改及点评(2)

In the picture,there is an unbalanced(改为imbalanced，imbalance表示“失衡，不平衡”，而unbalance表示“[力]失衡，精神错乱”) seesaw on which the one side sitting a woman with her body shaking(可改为where a women is sitting with her body shaking on the one side), and on the other side,15 men are going down on their knees asking(改为to ask，用动词不定时表示目的) the woman to marry them. The picture reveals the unbalanced(改为imbalanced)sex ratio in our country. So what causes this phenomenon?In my opinion, there are mainly two reasons. First, the conception "prefer sons to daughters" is very popular in our country. Through(改为Though，through为介词“通过”，though则表示“虽然”) it is not as intensive as in the old society, most parents,especially the ones in remote areas still want to have a son. Further more, along with the "Birth control" policy, some parents would(情态动词使用不当，可改为may) choose to abandon their child when they know she is a girl.In order to solve this problem, various measures have to be adopted. As to the government, it should draw up laws to reinforce the punishment of abortion. As to the parents, they should change their prejudice to children, and build up the conception of "It makes no differences if the baby is a girl or a boy". I think under the joint effort of the government and the individuals, the condition of unbalanced(改为imbalanced) sex ratio will be improved in the near future.

编辑点评

整体来说，文章写得不错;但还存在个别简单的语法错误。作者在写作完之后若可以花费几分钟时间来回读文章，便会减少不必要的错误。考研作文的整体思路你已经基本掌握，后面要做的就是多积累高分佳句，为自己的文章增彩;再者，写完之后一定要认真检查，减少失分点。

参考分数：13分(满分20分)