双语对照 ● 写给在天堂的妻子　A Moving Letter to My Wife

■ 写给在天堂的妻子　A Moving Letter to My Wife

◎ Frank Fields

When Christian Spragg’s wife Joanne gave birth they were full of excitement ... until she died just hours later. In a moving letter, Christian tells why he’ll make sure their daughter Ilaria knows all about her mum.

克里斯琴·斯普拉格的妻子乔安娜生下女儿的那一刻，夫妻俩都十分激动……直到几个小时后他的妻子去世。在这封感人的信中，克里斯琴讲述了为什么一定要把关于她妈妈的一切告诉他们的女儿伊拉里娅。

My darling Joanne,

我亲爱的乔安娜：

I still remember the conversation we had just a month before our baby daughter Ilaria was born.

我还记得我们的宝贝女儿伊拉里娅出生前一个月我们的对话。

Out of the blue you asked me how I’d look after her if anything happened to you. I remember telling you not to be silly but you were serious. “I’d just want you to tell her often how much her mummy loved her,” you said.

你突然问我，如果你出了什么事，我该如何照顾我们的女儿。我记得我叫你别说傻话，可你还是一脸严肃地对我说：“我只要你时常告诉她，她的妈妈有多爱她。”

“And to tell her what sort of person I was. And make sure she’s clean and tidy and eats her vegetables!” Now I’m so glad we had that conversation. And I hope I’ve done things as you wanted.

“还要告诉她我是一个怎样的人。要保证她每天都是干净整洁的，还要多吃蔬菜！”现在，我很庆幸我们有过那样的对话，我希望我能做到你要我做的事。

I just wish with all my heart that you were here to enjoy all the special moments we’ve shared since you were taken from us.

我衷心地希望你能和我们一起分享这些特殊时刻，那些你走之后我们一起分享的时刻。

The memories of our time together are so treasured for me now.

现在，我们的那些共同记忆对我来说是多么珍贵啊！

You used to laugh when I said I fell in love with you the moment we met but I did. I saw you in a nightclub and finally gathered the courage to ask if you’d like a drink. I couldn’t believe my luck when you said yes.

当我说我对你一见钟情时，你总是哈哈大笑，但我确实是那样的。我在一家夜店见到你，最后，我终于鼓起勇气问你可否请你喝一杯。当你说愿意时，我简直不敢相信，自己居然这么幸运。

I asked you to be my wife in Venice.

我是在威尼斯向你求婚的。

We splashed out on a gondola ride, giggling[84] to ourselves. I remember you tilted your head up to the sun and told me that this was one of the best days of your life. And when you walked down the aisle I knew I’d married my soulmate, “the one”.

我们驾着尖尖的小船行驶在威尼斯，我们尽情挥霍，开怀大笑。我记得你昂着头看着太阳，说这是你一生中最美好的日子。当你走下走廊时，我知道自己娶的是一个灵魂伴侣，“我的唯一”。

When we found out you were pregnant we were ecstatic[85] and soon we discovered it was a girl and spent the months running up to the birth getting the nursery ready.

当我们发现你怀孕了时，我们是那样的狂喜。不久后，我们发现是个女儿，于是我们花了好几月的时间为分娩做准备，甚至都把托儿所安排好了呢！

Every time our baby kicked you’d grab my hand, put it on your tummy and say, “Can you feel her, Christian? She’s so lively!”

每一次我们的宝宝踢你的时候，你都会把我的手放在你的肚子上，并对我说：“克里斯琴，你能感觉得到她吗？她是那么的活泼！”

You wanted to call our daughter Ilaria after a family friend you’d met in Venice. You found out that in Latin it meant “always happy.”

自从你在威尼斯见了你家里的一个朋友之后，你就想为我们的女儿取名为伊拉里娅，因为你发现这个名字在拉丁语里的意思是“永远快乐”。

We saw Ilaria before she was born. We had a 3D scan where you can see your baby’s face—she was beautiful.

在伊拉里娅出生前我们就见过她。我们做了3D扫描，能看到宝宝的脸盘——她很漂亮。

I am so thankful we did that now. When you went two weeks past your due date the hospital near our home in Bolton wanted to induce you. It’s hard for me to think straight about what happened next.

现在，我是如此感激我们曾用扫描仪看过我们的女儿。当预产期错过两周后，离博尔顿家很近的医院决定对你实施引产。我简直无法想象接下来要发生的事情。

When Ilaria was ready to come the midwife told you to push but Ilaria’s heartbeat dropped—she was in distress.

伊拉里娅准备出来时，助产士让你使劲用力，可伊拉里娅的心跳在减速——她处在危险中。

You looked at me in terror as we were surrounded by doctors trying to get Ilaria out. When she was born she was blue and nurses rushed her to the special care baby unit. You screamed, “Is she OK?” and all I could say was, “Yes, she’s beautiful, just like you.”

医生们围在我们身边想方设法取出伊拉里娅时，你用恐慌的眼神看着我。终于，她被取出来了，可是她浑身青紫。护士赶紧把她送到婴儿特别护理病房。这时，你尖叫着说：“她还好吗？”可我只能说：“是的，她很漂亮，就像你一样。”

It breaks my heart you never even saw your daughter, let alone held her. Then your heart rate started going up and your blood pressure started going down. Doctors said they had to get you into theatre straight away.

你从来没有亲眼见到我们的女儿，更别说抱一抱她了，这让我无比心碎。接着，你的心率开始升高，血压开始降低。医生说要把你直接转移到手术室。

As they wheeled you out I grabbed your foot and said “I love you”. It was the last time I saw you alive.

当你被他们推走的时候，我抓住你的腿说：“我爱你。”那是我最后一次见你。

Minutes later a doctor took me aside and told me Ilaria was showing signs of major brain damage and they didn’t expect her to live. I didn’t know which of you to turn to first.

几分钟过后，一位医生把我拉到旁边跟我说，伊拉里娅的大脑有受损的迹象，他们不指望她能活下来。我不知道，在你和女儿之间，我该先照顾谁。

I went to see Ilaria in her incubator. Half an hour later doctors told me the news that would change my life forever. There had been massive bleeding and as they tried to operate you’d had a cardiac arrest.

我去看了躺在恒温箱里的伊拉里娅。半小时后，医生告诉我一个足以永远改变我命运的消息：当他们给你注射强心剂后，想要为你做手术的时候，你大出血。

My world fell apart. I remember shouting, “Why?”

我的世界天崩地裂了，记得那时我大叫着：“为什么？”

You were just 27, healthy as can be, and now you were gone. An aneurysm had caused the bleeding.

你才27岁啊，曾经的你是那么健康，如今却这样走了。动脉瘤导致了大出血。

No one could have foreseen it; the doctors did all they could. In the chapel of rest you looked like you were sleeping peacefully. I kissed your face and stroked your hair as I sobbed.

没人能够预料到，医生也尽力了。在医院的小礼堂里，你看上去好像只是静静地睡着了。我亲吻着你的脸颊，抚摸着你的头发，泪水浸湿了你的脸颊和头发。

I felt totally lost. Then a nurse came to find me and said something amazing had happened and led me to Ilaria. She’d pulled all the tubes out of her chest and nose and was breathing on her own. The nurses said it was a miracle.

我完全丧失了自我。这时，来了一个护士，她跟我说奇迹出现了，她带我去看伊拉里娅。他们已经把她的胸腔和鼻子里的导管取出来了，她正自由地呼吸着。护士们都说这是一个奇迹。

It seemed our Ilaria was determined to stay alive. A nurse laid her in my arms and she began to cry. “Don’t worry, Daddy’s here,” I told her, and she immediately stopped crying.

看样子我们的伊拉里娅决定要坚强地活着。一位护士把她放在我的手上，她立刻大哭起来。“别哭，爸爸在这儿呢！”我这样对她说，她马上停止了哭泣。

Our daughter was going to live.

我们的女儿活了下来。

It was as if you’d said, “God, you can have me, but you’re not having my daughter.”

就好像是你跟上帝说：“上帝啊，你可以带走我，但请别带走我的女儿。”

Suddenly, from feeling I had nothing left to live for, I had Ilaria. I changed her first nappy, gave her first bottle—I thought about how you’d have done it and tried to do it the same way.

突然间，我从不知道为什么而活着的情绪里走了出来，因为我有了伊拉里娅。我为她换下第一块尿布，我给她第一个奶瓶——我总会想着你是怎么做的，然后用同样的方式做这些事。

But then it was back to the terrible reality—your funeral.

但是，我仍旧逃脱不了残酷的现实——你的葬礼。

Four hundred people attended as the vicar who’d married us buried you just three years later.

400人参加了你的葬礼。时隔3年，曾经为我们主持婚礼的牧师现在正主持着你的葬礼。

And then, two days later I brought Ilaria home from the hospital.

两天后，我把伊拉里娅从医院抱回了家。

That first night I lay in our bed, Ilaria beside me in her cot and I talked to you. “Jo, you should be here, I need you,” I said. I so desperately wished you were lying beside me.

第一天晚上，我躺在我们的床上，伊拉里娅就在我的身旁，她睡在自己的婴儿床上，而我在和你聊天。“乔，你应该在这里的，我需要你。”我说着，我是如此希望你能躺在我的身旁。

I spent my days in tears. At night I’d lay Ilaria next to me and tell her about you—how, beautiful, good and kind you were.

我终日以泪洗面。晚上的时候，我把伊拉里娅放在我的身旁，告诉她关于你的事——告诉她你是一个美丽、善良、贤惠的人。

Photos of you were all over the house and I’d hold Ilaria close to them so she could see you.

房间里到处都是你的照片。我抱着她凑近这些照片，好让她能看见你。

And as she gets older, I do other things to bring you into her life. I try to cook things I know you’d have made to make our beautiful Ilaria know her mum, even if she doesn’t remember you.

随着她慢慢地长大，我又做了其他的事情，为的是把你带进她的生活。我试着做一些我知道你会为她做的食物给伊拉里娅，让我们的漂亮女儿知道她的妈妈，就算她不记得你。

I hope you can hear me when I say: “I miss you Joanne but thank you for our wonderful daughter.” I just wish you were here to enjoy her.

我希望你能听到我说：“我想你，乔安娜，谢谢你给我一个这么漂亮的女儿。”我只希望你能在我身旁与我分享她的一切。

When Ilaria was a year old she was diagnosed with cerebral palsy which means she is unlikely to walk. She’ll never speak properly and will require constant care. That’s when I pulled myself together. I needed to, to give Ilaria the best life I can.

伊拉里娅1岁的时候被诊断患有大脑麻痹症，这意味着她不能走路，也无法正常地说话，而且一直需要别人的照顾。就是从那时起，我振作起来，因为我要给伊拉里娅最好的生活。

Although it’s hard it’s wonderful too, we’re like two little mates. She’s nearly four now and looks just like you.

生活虽然很艰苦，可也很美好。我们俩就像是两个小伙伴一样。现在，她快4岁了，长得几乎跟你一模一样。

And what a personality. Although she can only say a few words—“Hiya!” is her favorite—she gives me so much love and affection. She’s a real cheeky little thing, and can wrap me right round her little finger.

多可爱的小人儿啊！虽然她只能说一些单词——“你好！”是她最爱说的——可她给了我许多的爱和欢喜。她真的是个十足厚脸皮的小家伙，她能用她的小手指把我抓个正着。

I gave up my job as an area sales manager so that I could devote my time to Ilaria. Every morning she attends Rainbow House, where they specialize in helping children like her.

我辞去了地区销售经理的工作，这样才能把全部的时间放在伊拉里娅身上。她每天早上都会去彩虹之家，那里专门帮助像她一样的小孩。

Every time I look at her I get comfort because she’s a living part of you Joanne, your legacy.

每一次看到她的时候，我都深感安慰，因为她是你——乔安娜的生命的延续，是你留给我的宝贵遗产。

I just want you to know that whatever happens I will bring up Ilaria in a way you would have been proud of—and she will always know how special her mummy was.

我只是想让你知道，无论发生什么事情，我都会用一种让你骄傲的方式把伊拉里娅抚养成人——她永远都会记住她的妈妈是多么的特别。

I love you my darling,

我爱你，亲爱的。

Christian

克里斯琴

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