《四季随笔》节选 - 秋 23

《四季随笔》是吉辛的散文代表作。其中对隐士赖克罗夫特醉心于书籍、自然景色与回忆过去生活的描述，其实是吉辛的自述，作者以此来抒发自己的情感，因而本书是一部富有自传色彩的小品文集。

吉辛穷困的一生，对文学名著的爱好与追求，以及对大自然恬静生活的向往，在书中均有充分的反映。本书分为春、夏、秋、冬四个部分，文笔优美，行文流畅，是英国文学中小品文的珍品之一。

以下是由网友分享的《四季随笔》节选 - 秋 23的内容，让我们一起来感受吉辛的四季吧!

今天，我在金色的阳光下散步——这是晚秋时节温暖宁静的一天——忽然脑海中冒出一个想法，我停下脚步，有些不知所措。我自言自语地说：我的生活结束了。这个简单的事实我早该意识到，它当然已是我沉思的一部分，并经常感染我的情绪；但是这个想法却从没有确定地成形，没有形诸话语。我的生活结束了。这句话我念了一两遍，让耳朵来检验它的真实性。不管有多陌生，这是一个不可否认的事实，就像我过完生日的年龄一样不可否认。

My age? At this time of life, many a man is bracing himself for new efforts, is calculating on a decade or two of pursuit and attainment. I, too, may perhaps live for some years; but for me there is no more activity, no ambition. I have had my chance—and I see what I made of it.

我的年龄？在人生的这个时候，许多人正在振作精神开拓新事业，计划着未来一二十年的奋斗和成就。我也许还会活一些年头，但不会有什么行动和雄心了。我有过机会——也看到了自己所能达到的高度。

The thought was for an instant all but dreadful. What! I, who only yesterday was a young man, planning, hoping, looking forward to life as to a practically endless career, I, who was so vigorous and scornful, have come to this day of definite retrospect? How is it possible? But, I have done nothing; I have had no time; I have only been preparing myself—a mere apprentice to life. My brain is at some prank; I am suffering a momentary delusion; I shall shake myself, and return to common sense—to my schemes and activities and eager enjoyments.

有一刻，这个想法显得那么可怕。什么！昨天，我还是一个年经人，踌躇满志，充满希望，为一个几乎前途无量的事业对生活充满期待。我曾经是那么干劲十足、傲视一切，而今天却只能来回首往事？这怎么可能呢？但是，我一无所成，我没有时间，我一直只是在做准备——只是生活的一个学徒而已。一定是我的头脑在恶作剧，这只是我暂时的错觉。我要摇醒自己，恢复理智——让我觉得自己还有计划，可以行动，对生活还有殷切的期待。

Nevertheless, my life is over.

尽管如此，我的生活结束了！

What a little thing! I knew how the philosophers had spoken; I repeated their musical phrases about the mortal span—yet never till now believed them. And this is all? A man's life can be so brief and so vain? Idly would I persuade myself that life, in the true sense, is only now beginning; that the time of sweat and fear was not life at all, and that it now only depends upon my will to lead a worthy existence. That may be a sort of consolation, but it does not obscure the truth that I shall never again see possibilities and promises opening before me. I have "retired," and for me as truly as for the retired tradesman, life is over. I can look back upon its completed course, and what a little thing! I am tempted to laugh; I hold myself within the limit of a smile.

它是多么微不足道啊！我知道哲学家们是怎么说的；我曾重复过他们关于寿命的音乐般的语句——但直到现在我才相信了他们。这就结束了吗？一个人的生命可以这样短暂和无用吗？我自欺欺人地劝自己说，真正意义上的生命才刚刚开始，那些浸泡在汗水和恐惧的日子根本不算生活，而现在我可以依自己的意愿过有价值的生活。也许它可以带来些许慰藉，但不能掩盖一个事实，那就是我的面前再没有生活的各种可能性和希望了。我已经“退休了”，就和退休的工匠一样，我的生活结束了。回首结束了的生活旅程，我看到它是那么地微不足道！我忍不住想要大笑；但我抑制住自己，只是微微一笑。

And that is best, to smile, not in scorn, but in all forbearance, without too much self-compassion. After all, that dreadful aspect of the thing never really took hold of me; I could put it by without much effort. Life is done—and what matter? Whether it has been, in sum, painful or enjoyable, even now I cannot say—a fact which in itself should prevent me from taking the loss too seriously. What does it matter? Destiny with the hidden face decreed that I should come into being, play my little part, and pass again into silence; is it mine either to approve or to rebel? Let me be grateful that I have suffered no intolerable wrong, no terrible woe of flesh or spirit, such as others—alas! alas!—have found in their lot. Is it not much to have accomplished so large a part of the mortal journey with so much ease? If I find myself astonished at its brevity and small significance, why, that is my own fault; the voices of those gone before had sufficiently warned me. Better to see the truth now, and accept it, than to fall into dread surprise on some day of weakness, and foolishly to cry against fate. I will be glad rather than sorry, and think of the thing no more.

这样最好，微微一笑，并非蔑视而是隐忍，没有包含太多的自我怜悯。毕竟，我从未受制于它可怕的一面，可以不费气力地弃诸一侧。生活结束了——有什么关系呢？总体来说，它是痛苦还是愉快呢，我现在也不能肯定——这一点本身就不能让我严肃地看待这个损失。这有什么关系？那个遮蔽了面目的命运，令我生而为人，扮演自己的小角色，并再度归于沉默。这哪里是我能赞成和反对的？就让我感恩吧，因为我从没像其他人一样命中遭受过无法容忍的不公，以及肉体或精神的严重苦难。如此轻松地完成了人生旅程的大半，不是应该知足吗？如果我吃惊于它的短暂和微不足道，那是我的错，那些先我故去的声音不是已经给了我足够的警告？现在看到真相并接受它，总好于在感觉无助的某一天，堕入恐惧惊愕之中，愚蠢地向命运大声抗议。我会感觉高兴而不是悲伤，并且再不会想这件事了。