谁将代表美国申办2024奥运会?

2. Los Angeles

洛杉矶

Have you been to Boston? It’s boring.

去过波士顿吗?那儿没劲透了。

Sorry, Washington: No nation wants to send athletes to the home of the National Security Agency.

对不起了华盛顿：没有一个国家愿意把运动员送进国家安全局的老窝。

That leaves Los Angeles with one actual competitor, San Francisco. It’s up to you, International Olympic Committee, but the population of that peninsula city — already terribly full of its Apple-Google-Uber self — would very likely burst into a fireball of smugness if it was also given the 2024 Olympics. Think it over.

所以洛杉矶只剩下一个真正的对手，那就是旧金山。国际奥委会，决定在你。但是那座半岛城市现在已经到处都是苹果、谷歌、优步公司那些自负的家伙们了，如果它再获得2024年奥运会的主办权，那里的人肯定得意到要爆炸了。好好想想这个吧。

Los Angeles, on the other hand, is the perfect choice.

换句话说，洛杉矶才是完美的选择。

The Chinese will be running Hollywood by then (except for North Korea’s Democratic Republic of Sony Pictures), so their athletes will feel right at home. To save on housing costs, David Geffen can offer to host the men’s gymnastics team at his mansion. And also the men’s water polo team.

到时候中国已经接管了好莱坞(除了归北朝鲜民主主义人民共和国领导的索尼影业)，所以他们的运动员肯定会觉得宾至如归。为了节省住宿开销，男子体操队可以住进大卫·格芬(David Geffen)的大宅子，男子水球队也能住进去。

Beach volleyball? Hello.

沙滩排球?不成问题。

True, there will be no water for the aquatic center. Perhaps the pools could be filled with San Pellegrino. Or perhaps the divers could simply be trained to land in one of those itty-bitty washtubs, the way they used to at the circus. We’ll work it out.

没错，到时候水上运动中心里不会有水。没准可以用圣培露矿泉水灌满泳池。又或者跳水运动员可以练习着跳进一个小洗澡盆里，以前的马戏团就是这么干的。我们总会有办法的。

Imagine the opening ceremony Los Angeles could put together: Meryl Streep riding sidesaddle on a dolphin. Magic Johnson and Mama Kardashian carrying the torch. Fireworks sponsored by “Star Wars: Episode Ad Nauseam: Does It Really Matter What We Subtitle These Anymore, Part 1.”

试想在洛杉矶举办的开幕式可以凑出什么东西来：梅丽尔·斯特里普(Meryl Streep)骑海豚。魔术师约翰逊(Magic Johnson)和卡戴珊大妈(Mama Kardashian)举火炬。焰火由《星球大战：没完没了的第N集：起什么副标题还重要吗，第一部》赞助。

Look, there are pros and cons for every potential host city. Pro: Los Angeles would become more health-conscious than it already is. Con: Los Angeles would become more health-conscious than it already is.

你看，关于每个主办城市都有赞同和反对意见。正方：洛杉矶本来就够有健康意识的了，到时候会更有健康意识。反方：洛杉矶本来就够有健康意识的了，到时候会更有健康意识。

But the City of Angels, really and truly, is a terrific choice. Get under the hood, beyond its silly celebrity facade, and you will see how serious a contender it is:

但是这座天使之城的确是一个非常好的选择。透过愚蠢的名人文化假象，深入它的内部，你会发现它的确是一个有力的竞争者。

Los Angeles is bigger than Boston, Washington and San Francisco combined. More than 30 countries have their second largest population in Los Angeles, a region of roughly 19 million people, giving a home-field advantage to more than Americans.

洛杉矶比波士顿、华盛顿和旧金山加起来都大。这里的人口大约是1900万，有30多个国家都在洛杉矶拥有为数最多的海外侨民，除了美国人，其他不少国家在这里也拥有主场优势。

Naysayers will bray that Los Angeles has hosted the Summer Games, twice. True, and that experience could be critical. Besides, London has been an Olympic city three times, so get over it.

反对者会大吵大闹说洛杉矶已经两次主办过夏季奥运会了。确实如此，但这种经验也是很重要的。另外，伦敦还主办过三次奥运会呢，所以就别纠结这个了。

Among subway construction, road improvements and a desperately needed modernization of the Los Angeles International Airport, $40 billion worth of infrastructure enhancements are underway.

除了地铁建设，地面道路也在改善、亟需现代化的洛杉矶国际机场正在进行翻修，还有价值400亿美元的基础设施改善工作也在进行中。

In other words, stuff is being built in Los Angeles — unlike in San Francisco, where something as seemingly simple as improving four grass soccer fields last year was met with litigation, protests and a ballot measure. (For real.)

换句话说，在洛杉矶，建设工作已经在进行，而旧金山呢?在那儿，去年连改善四块带草皮的足球场这么简单的一件事都吃了官司、遭到抗议，还得做投票决议(这是真的)。

Speaking of roads, everyone worries about Southern California’s famous freeway gridlock, which can indeed be formidable. But in 2011 and 2012, when a particularly busy stretch of Interstate 405 was closed for days at a time to accommodate construction, the opposite of Carmageddon happened: the streets emptied, with residents foregoing unnecessary trips.

至于道路问题，大家都担心南加州著名的高速路交通堵塞，确实很可怕。但在2011年到2012年，繁忙的405州际公路关闭数日进行建设期间，不但没有发生末日大混战，相反街道都空了，居民们把非必要的行程提前，以便错过这段时间。

Finally: Have you been to Boston? BROOKS BARNES

最后，你去过波士顿吗? BROOKS BARNES