如果你的孩子表现不好，他们可能只是难过

如果你的孩子表现不好，他们可能只是难过

The pandemic brought a major upheaval to the lives of Amber Sparks and her 5-year-old daughter, and her daughter is exhibiting unruly behavior because of it.

流行病给安珀·斯帕克斯和她5岁的女儿的生活带来了巨大的改变，她的女儿因此表现出不守规矩的行为。

Sparks, a Washington, DC-based writer and author of the short story collection "And I Do Not Forgive You," recently witnessed her daughter having a meltdown over "something incredibly trivial, like a crayon breaking or something like that."

斯帕克斯是华盛顿特区的一位作家，也是短篇小说集《我不原谅你》的作者，她最近目睹女儿因“一些极其琐碎的事情，比如蜡笔断裂之类的事情”而崩溃。

"She started screaming and throwing things around, and it lasted for half an hour, I think. She never has tantrums like that, until now," Sparks said.

“她开始尖叫，乱扔东西，我想这持续了半个小时。她从来没有发过这样的脾气，直到现在，”斯帕克斯说。

"She just kind of wore herself out. At the end she was just crying quietly on her bed, and I was hugging her, and she said very quietly, 'I miss school and I miss my friends.' It was so sad."

“她只是有点累了。最后，她在床上静静地哭了，我抱着她，她非常平静地说:“我想念学校，我想念我的朋友们。’这太让人伤心了。”

Sparks and her daughter live in a small apartment in the city, where they used to walk to parks, museums, restaurants, libraries and bookstores. Now they mostly stay home alone, Sparks said. And her daughter never hit her mother or anyone else until this crisis.

斯帕克斯和她的女儿住在城市的一个小公寓里，她们过去常常步行去公园、博物馆、餐馆、图书馆和书店。斯帕克斯说，现在她们大多独自在家。直到这次危机之前，她的女儿从来没有打过她的母亲或其他任何人。

"I can see her get so frustrated, all the feelings rising up, and her little body can't quite contain them all," Sparks said. "I just try to hug her because what else can I do?"

斯帕克斯说:“我能看到她变得很沮丧，所有的情绪都高涨起来，她的小身体无法完全容纳这些情绪。”“我只是想拥抱她，因为我还能做什么?”

Kids are sad because they're missing their friends, routines, structure and predictability, said Christopher Willard, a psychiatry lecturer at Harvard Medical School and author of "The Breathing Book".

哈佛医学院的精神病学讲师、《呼吸之书》一书的作者克里斯托弗·威拉德说，孩子们会感到悲伤，因为他们失去了朋友、日常生活、结构性和可预测性。

They're feeling the same emotions that adults are about the pandemic, Willard said, but expressing them in different ways: They cry, cut their hair, yell, scream, argue and fight with their siblings.

威拉德说，他们对流行病的感受和成年人一样，只是表达方式不同:他们会哭，会剪头发，会喊叫，会尖叫，会和兄弟姐妹争吵和打架。

With the advice of a psychiatrist and a psychologist who specialize in working with children, parents can pause and respond productively. They can help their children through the hard moments and prevent (some) future meltdowns by supporting their emotional stability and giving them the tools to express their feelings.

在专门研究儿童问题的精神病医生和心理学家的建议下，父母可以停下来做出有效的反应。他们可以帮助孩子度过难关，通过支持他们的情绪稳定，给他们表达情感的工具，来防止(某些)未来的崩溃。

Recognizing the root of bad behavior

认识到不良行为的根源

Even the best parents are having trouble keeping up with the basics as they work from home and try to keep regular daytime schedules, get three healthy meals on the table, make sure their kids get enough exercise and keep to bedtime routines, Willard said.

威拉德说，即使是最优秀的父母，在他们在家工作的同时，也很难跟上基本的生活节奏，他们要保持有规律的白天作息时间，在餐桌上吃三顿健康的饭，确保他们的孩子得到足够的锻炼，并遵守就寝时间。

"That's been hard for our kids," Willard said. "That's also going to impact their mental health. It's going to impact their impulse control and their ability to regulate their emotions."

“这对我们的孩子来说很难，”威拉德说。“这也会影响他们的心理健康。这将影响他们的冲动控制和控制情绪的能力。”

If they're engaging in more destructive behaviors, such as cutting their hair, they could be bored, said Mary Alvord, a Maryland-based psychologist specializing in treatment of youths and coauthor of "Conquer Negative Thinking for Teens."

马里兰州专门治疗青少年的心理学家、《征服青少年的消极思维》一书的合著者玛丽·阿尔沃德说，如果他们表现更具破坏性的行为，比如剪头发，他们可能是无聊的。

Wanting a parent's attention could be the reason behind a meltdown or more challenging behavior, he added. And when parents are stressed out and impatient, they're more likely to snap at their kids, which creates a vicious cycle.

他补充说，想要得到父母的关注可能是导致孩子崩溃或做出更具挑战性行为的原因。当父母感到紧张和不耐烦时，他们更有可能对孩子发脾气，这就形成了一个恶性循环。

Helping kids cope

帮孩子处理

If at the end of a tantrum a child admits what's really wrong, that's a great moment because it means that he or she trusts the parent, Willard said.

威拉德说，如果孩子在发脾气的最后承认了真正的错误，那是一个伟大的时刻，因为这意味着他或她信任父母。

Parents can try to connect with their child by validating his feelings, Willard suggested.

威拉德建议，父母可以试着通过认同孩子的感受来与他建立联系。

Ask the child what he was thinking and feeling at the time so you can get to know his triggers, Alvord recommended.

询问孩子当时的想法和感受，这样你就能了解触发他(情绪)的因素，阿尔沃德建议道。

Parents can also help children become more comfortable with what's not currently available to them by focusing on what they can control. But still be honest with them, lest you lose their trust, Alvord said. Just don't let children catastrophize everything.

父母也可以通过关注孩子们所能控制的事情，来帮助孩子们更加适应他们目前所不能得到的东西。但仍然要对他们坦诚，以免失去他们的信任，阿尔沃德说。不要让孩子们把一切都小题大做。