我还是该死地觉得自己就是人渣

At the outset, I would want to mention that I am a Stanford CS undergrad working for an extremely well-known tech company in NYC, earning around $100k. Here's a sneak peek into my dark side which absolutely no one knows about.

首先我要提一下，我是斯坦福大学计算机专业本科生，在纽约一家知名的科技公司工作，薪水10万美元左右。在这里我揭秘了完全没有人知晓的我的阴暗面。

I have a habit of shoplifting, so much so that I became really good at it. I know that I can easily afford to purchase the stuff that I steal, but shoplifting just gives me this "high" that is indescribable.. I stole B&W C5 from the Apple Store, and randomly steal stuff from other stores.

我有入店行窃的习惯，偷得多了我就变得很擅长这个。我明知我完全买得起我偷的东西，但是入店行窃给我一种难以形容的快感。我在苹果专卖店偷过B&W C5耳机，也随机在其它商店偷过东西。

I got caught for shoplifting 2 weeks ago, and had to pay the civil demand fee of $150, after which I've almost stopped shoplifting. The $150 penalty was probably 20% of the total worth of stuff that I've stolen over the months.

两周前我因为入店行窃被逮捕了，还得支付150美元的民事诉讼费，在那之后我几乎要戒掉行窃习惯了。150美元的罚款占了我数月以来所盗之物的总额的20%。

I have no friends at all, just a girlfriend.. Having no friends makes me quite lonely and unhappy in spite of people thinking that I'm "living the life". I really try making friends, but unfortunately I fuck up each and every time because of my big mouth, and generally people think that I'm not a fun person to hang out with, when in fact the truth is the opposite once I open up to people.

我根本就没有朋友，只有一个女朋友，这让我很孤独、很难过，虽然大家只是觉得我“生来如此”。实际上，我一直在试着交朋友，但是很遗憾，我每一次都会因为我的口无遮拦而搞砸，而且大部分人都觉得跟我一起出去玩很没意思，可是实际上只要我和大家混熟之后就完全不会这样了。

I have a huge inferiority complex and don't believe in myself. Heck I'm 22 and I'm making 100k at a top tech company but I still feel that I'm shit. Nobody really cares about me. I don't blame them though.. Nobody really knows me I guess.

我有很强烈的自卑感，也无法信任自己。我今年22岁，在一家顶尖的科技公司工作，年薪10万，但我还是该死地觉得自己就是人渣。没有人真正在乎我，但是我却没法责怪他们……我猜根本就没有人了解我。