不管你的年龄多大，友谊的质量比数量更重要

不管你的年龄多大，友谊的质量比数量更重要

Researchers have determined that our social relationships at any age are important for both mental and physical health. And that's especially true for older people. But this idea, which is widely accepted among doctors, social scientists and psychologists, isn't yet fully understood. Currently, the links between health and friend and family relationships are self-reported, so we only know that people who say they have good friends and supportive family have better health than those without. But what each person considers a "good" relationship, and how they feel about it can vary depending on personality and other factors.

研究人员已经确定，我们在任何年龄的社会关系对身心健康都很重要。对于老年人来说尤其如此。但是这个被医生、社会科学家和心理学家广泛接受的观点还没有被完全理解。目前，健康与朋友和家庭关系之间的联系是自我报告的，所以我们只知道那些说自己有好朋友和支持自己的家人的人比那些没有朋友的人更健康。但是，每个人对一段“好”关系的看法，以及他们对这段关系的感受，都取决于性格和其他因素。

That's why a number of researchers are delving into the details of social relationships. Beyond one's perception of friendships, what are the feelings and interactions that really matter? Is there an ideal number of friends or time spent with them? Is more time spent with friends — or a greater number of friends — better? Or is the quality of relationships most important?

这就是为什么许多研究人员正在深入研究社会关系的细节。除了对友谊的理解，真正重要的情感和互动是什么?是否有理想数量的朋友或与他们相处的时间?花更多的时间和朋友在一起——或者更多的朋友——更好吗?还是关系的质量最重要?

Having just a couple good friends who know you and really care for you can be a healthy balance for many. (Photo: Rawpixel/Shutterstock)

Quality vs. quantity

质量与数量

They found that "Older participants reported smaller social networks, largely because of reporting fewer peripheral others. Yet older age was associated with better well-being." Those fewer, but higher-quality relationships made all the difference. It's important to note that this kind of research is based on how people say they feel — it's almost impossible to objectively measure feelings of loneliness, or happiness or any other emotion.

他们发现，“年龄较大的参与者报告的社交网络较小，主要是因为他们报告的外围其他人较少。”然而，年龄越大，幸福感越强。”那些更少但质量更高的关系带来了所有的不同。值得注意的是，这类研究是基于人们如何表达他们的感受——几乎不可能客观地衡量孤独感、幸福感或其他任何情绪。

But it's significant that over a sample of almost 300 people, quality trumped quantity. "Well-being was more strongly related to social satisfaction than to the reported number of close friends — suggesting that it is the perception of relationship quality rather than the perception of relationship quantity that is relevant to reporting better well-being," according to the researchers.

但重要的是，在近300人的样本中，质量压倒了数量。研究人员称:“幸福感与社会满意度的关系比与亲密朋友数量的关系更密切，这表明与幸福感的提高相关的是对关系质量的感知，而不是对关系数量的感知。”

This echoes research on younger people: When it comes to teenagers, being popular isn't as important as having a few good friends.

这与针对年轻人的研究相呼应:对于青少年来说，受欢迎并不像拥有几个好朋友那么重要。

Introvert vs. extrovert

内向与外向

People who get energy from social contact are understood by psychologists to be extroverts, and those who are drained by it are introverts. That doesn't mean that introverts don't need or want friends, but just that less contact and contact with a smaller number of people works best for them.

心理学家认为，从社交接触中获得能量的人是性格外向的人，而被社交接触耗尽能量的人是性格内向的人。这并不是说内向的人不需要或不想要朋友，而是说少接触、少接触对他们最有利。

Looking from the outside in, it can seem like some elderly people's lives are quite lonely. And they might be — but it's important to have a conversation with the person to know that. After all, if they don't feel lonely, they won't suffer the ill effects of lack of social contact. And it could be that a person often surrounded by friends and family still doesn't feel like they're getting enough meaningful socializing, which could lead to some of the negative health outcomes associated with lack of connection, including depression, higher incidences of heart disease and premature mortality.

从外面往里看，似乎有些老人的生活是相当孤独的。他们可能是——但重要的是要和这个人交谈，了解这一点。毕竟，如果他们不感到孤独，他们就不会遭受缺乏社会接触的不良影响。可能是一个经常被朋友和家人包围的人仍然觉得自己没有得到足够有意义的社交，这可能会导致一些与缺乏联系相关的负面健康结果，包括抑郁、更高的心脏病发病率和过早死亡。

As in most of life, it's important not to make assumptions about someone's life. So have a conversation with someone if you're worried about their loneliness — maybe over a meal where you can talk about this and other subjects of mutual interest. Ask them how they're feeling. Their twice-a-week walk with friends and time with animals, books, gardening, or creative activities might be totally fulfilling — or they might want a lot more contact with others than that, but need help finding it.

在生活中，重要的是不要对别人的生活做任何假设。所以，如果你担心某人的孤独，那就和他聊聊——也许在吃饭的时候，你们可以聊聊这个或者其他共同感兴趣的话题。问他们感觉如何。他们每周与朋友散步两次，与动物、书籍、园艺或创造性活动共处一段时间，这可能完全令人满足——或者他们可能希望与他人有更多的接触，但需要别人的帮助。

Just ask how someone is feeling — and listen to what they say.

问问别人的感受，听听他们怎么说。