男孩们，别再向女生索要裸照了

Teenagers are drafted into a sexual culture that rests on a harmful premise: On the heterosexual field, boys typically play offense and girls play defense. This problematic framework underlies the findings of a new study that documents, in alarming detail, girls’ reports of the common coercive practices boys use to solicit nude digital photographs. An analysis of nearly 500 accounts from 12- to 18-year-old girls about their negative experiences with sexting found that over two-thirds had been asked for explicit images.

青少年被卷入一种基于有害前提的性文化，它认为，在异性恋领域内，男孩往往是进攻方，女孩则处于守势。这个存在问题的文化体系突显了一项新研究成果的根本问题。该研究记录了女孩们的汇报，描述男孩索要数码裸照的种种常见强迫做法，内容极为详尽。该项研究对近500名12至18岁女孩有关负面性短信经历的描述进行了分析，发现超过三分之二的人被索要过露骨照片。

The majority described facing intense pressure that often began with promises of affection and discretion in exchange for “nudes,” before accelerating to “persistent requests, anger displays, harassment and threats.” The study drew from comments posted between 2010 and 2016 on A Thin Line, MTV’s campaign against sexting, cyber bullying and digital dating abuse. As one research participant explained about being pressured by her boyfriend, with the shorthand and spelling errors of a texting teenager:

大部分人表示遇到了巨大的压力。对方一开始通常是海誓山盟，并承诺谨慎保存，以便换取“裸照”，然后会加速演变成“无休止的要求、表现出愤怒、骚扰和威胁”。这项研究使用了2010到2016年间发表在MTV反对性短信、网络霸凌和数字约会虐待的平台A Thin Line上的评论。该研究的一名参与者解释了男朋友强迫她的情况，她的这则留言包含十几岁的年轻人常有的简略表达和拼写错误:

my bf preaused me for hours to send him pictures of me naked. Now he threarens to send them out if i dont send hin more really nasty pics. The stuff i have to do is unbelievable. im 14.

bf花好几个小时说服我给他发我的裸照。现在他威胁我，如果不给他多发点真正色情的照片，他就把手头那些发出去。我不得不做的事情难以置信。我14岁。

Other research has found that while both boys and girls send naked images, boys are nearly four times as likely to pressure girls to send sexts as girls are to pressure boys to do so.

另一些研究发现，尽管男孩和女孩都会发裸照，但男孩逼迫女孩发性短信的可能性是女孩逼迫男孩这么做的四倍。

In the wider culture, it appears we have suddenly come to the limit of our tolerance for the sexualized abuse of power by adult men. A logical next step is to recalibrate some of the toxic norms that have taken hold among teenagers. Most schools and many parents already tell teenagers not to send sexualized selfies. But why don’t we also tell adolescents to stop asking for nude photos from one another?

在更广泛的文化中，我们对成年男子滥用性权力的忍耐，似乎突然到达了极限。合理的下一步是重新调整一些已在青少年中变得根深蒂固的习惯。大部分学校和很多家长已经告诉青少年，不要发送性感自拍照。但我们为什么不同时告诉青少年，不要相互索要裸照呢?

It is of course true that simply declaring a new behavioral code will not erase a problem. But rules can make a difference. For starters, they articulate norms. We advise adolescents not to share naked pictures because we worry that minors may not recognize the full scope of the potential personal, and possibly legal, consequences of creating and distributing sexually explicit content. But when we say next to nothing against the practice of soliciting sexts, we miss the opportunity to help teenagers see why that might also be a bad idea.

诚然，简单地宣布新的行为规范并不能消除问题。但规则可以带来改变。首先，它们确立了规范。我们建议青少年不要分享裸照，因为我们担心未成年人可能没有完全意识到，制造和传播露骨内容会有什么潜在的个人后果，甚至可能还有法律后果。但如果我们对索要裸照的行为几乎绝口不提，这样就错过了帮助青少年认识到为什么索要可能同样愚蠢的机会。

Sara Thomas, the author of the new study and a doctoral student at the School of Education and Social Policy at Northwestern, noted that simply telling girls not to send photographs “ignores the complicated tensions they are negotiating on a regular basis.” If we really don’t want teenagers to send sexualized photos, we should set limits on the most likely trigger for sexting: requests.

这篇新研究论文的作者、西北大学教育和社会政策学院(School of Education and Social Policy at Northwestern)博士生萨拉·托马斯(Sara Thomas)指出，只告诉女孩不要发裸照“忽略了她们经常所处的复杂紧张局面”。如果真的不想让青少年发送性感照片，我们就应该限制最有可能触发性短信的因素：索要。

In talking about sexting with both daughters and sons, parents might say, “We don’t want you to share nude photos of yourself — even with someone you really care about and trust — because doing so puts you in a terrible position. The relationship might change, or that person could simply lose track of their phone. It’s just not worth the risk.” To that we should add, “And it’s not O.K. to request naked pictures because then you are putting someone else in a terrible position. Don’t do that either.”

和子女谈到性短信时，家长可以说，“我们不想让你们分享自己的裸照，即便是和你真的在乎和信任的人，因为这么做会导致你处境糟糕。你们的关系可能会发生变化，或者那个人可能会把手机弄丢。不值得冒这种险。”然后，我们还应该接着说，“索要裸照也不合适，因为你这么做会让别人处境糟糕。两样都别做。”

We might also alert teenagers that, depending on where they live, they could face legal consequences for requesting nude selfies from minors. States without laws specifically addressing sexting fall back on established child pornography statutes which can, in some cases, deliver severe penalties for soliciting, enticing or encouraging the creation of explicit content.

我们还想提醒青少年，向未成年人索要自拍裸照，是有可能导致法律后果的，具体要看所在地的法规。对色情短信没有具体法律规定的州，会依照已有的儿童色情法规，有时会对索取、诱导或鼓励创作露骨性内容的行为进行严惩。

Rules can also serve as useful behavioral speed bumps. Adolescents are impulsive by nature and gaps can readily emerge between what they know they ought to do and what they actually do. Teenagers who are asking, much less harassing, peers for sexts almost certainly realize that they are crossing a line. But if that line is never stressed or enforced by adults, they are far less likely to heed it. I’m also sure that plenty of boys would appreciate having a clearly articulated rule upon which they could blame their good behavior when they are pressed by peers to obtain illicit images.

规则还可以有效地成为一道行为减速带。青少年生性冲动，在“知道该怎么做”和“实际做了什么”之间很容易出现断裂。要求同龄人发色情短信——更别提进行骚扰——的青少年，基本上肯定能意识到自己越了界。但如果成年人从来不强调或维护这一界限，他们的警惕性就会下降许多。我也相信，有很多男孩在被同伴施压要求弄来一张裸露照片时，会希望有一个清楚的明文规定供自己推脱。

Nearly a decade ago, the head of the school where I consult two days a week sternly warned our students to stay out of an ugly imbroglio involving kids at another school, which was playing out on Facebook. When it was clear that our students had totally complied, I asked one of our most levelheaded juniors how she accounted for her peers’ surprising restraint. She said, “Well, you want to involve yourself, and you almost do. Then you remember the rule. And then, a little bit later, you realize that jumping in probably would have been a bad idea anyway.”

大约在10年前，我在一所学校每周负责两天咨询，学校的负责人严厉警告学生，不要介入Facebook上有另一所学校学生参与的一场糟糕纠纷。等到事情结束，我们的学生都完全遵守了要求，我问了其中一个最冷静的三年级学生她要如何解释同学们的惊人自制力时，她说，“哦，你是想要参与的，的确也几乎参与了。然后这时你想起了规矩。然后，过了一会，你就会意识到参与其中可能也不是什么好主意。”

In a far separate domain, the National Hockey League penalizes both acts of aggression, such as head-butting, and also “inciting an opponent into incurring a penalty.” Now, hockey arenas are among America’s temples of manliness and may not be the first place one would look for models of decorum. And certainly some players do not abide by those rules. But the fact that the rules address both sides could provide a useful starting point for a conversation, especially with boys who question whether provoking misbehavior constitutes misconduct.

在一个远没那么相关的领域，国家冰球联盟(National Hockey League)既会惩罚用头撞人等攻击行为，也会惩罚“刺激对手违规受罚”的行为。好吧，冰球赛场是美国最有男子气概的殿堂，也可能不是我们寻找规矩模范的首选之地，当然了，一些队员也不遵守规则。但一套考虑了双方行为的规则，可以作为谈话的良好开端，尤其是在与那些不确定挑衅行为是否属于不当行为的男孩谈话时。

Finally, rules can be used to address power imbalances. The girls in Ms. Thomas’s study felt they had little recourse for dealing with the often hostile barrage of solicitations for pictures. One study participant wrote:

最后，规则可以用来解决权力的不平衡。在托马斯的研究中，女孩们感觉自己在解决往往恶意的一系列照片索取要求时无能为力。一位研究对象写道：

…they want me to send naked pics of me and I don’t want to send them….but like idk wat to do cuz they said if I don’t send them tht their goinq to spreads roumors and help me out plzzz :(( ……

他们想让我给他们发我的裸照但我不想发……但就是我不知道怎么办因为他们说如果我不发的话他们就会毁了我的名声你帮帮我吧拜托了 :((

Shifting the norms about soliciting images could helpfully shift the balance of power. If parents and schools have made clear that the requests are a violation, girls would feel that they had the option of taking screen shots of them and seeking help from adults.

改变索取照片的这一常态有助于改变权力的平衡。如果家长和学校能明确这样的要求是属于违规，那么女孩就能意识到自己可以选择截屏这些要求并向成人寻求帮助。

That our focus has been so preponderantly on the sending, not requesting, of sexts underscores the exact problem we need to address. We accept and perpetuate the boys-play-offense and girls-play-defense framework because it is so atmospheric as to be almost invisible. Indeed, as someone who cares for adolescents for a living I can say that it was painful for me to realize that many of my early career conversations with teenage girls boiled down to: “The adults are asking you to regulate adolescent sexuality. Because we’re not going to ask the boys.”

而我们如此侧重地关注色情短信的发送而非索取，正好说明了我们需要解决的问题。我们接受并延续了男孩进攻、女孩防御的思想框架，因为它几乎无形存在于大环境之中。事实上，作为一个以照料青少年为业的人，我可以说，我痛苦地意识到我早期职业生涯中与少女的大多数对话都可以归结为：“成人在要求你约束你的青春期性征。因为我们不会去要求男孩。”

As we re-examine the sexual power dynamics between adults, we owe it to our teenagers to include them in the progress we are making. Laying out high and equitable expectations for young people as they begin their own romantic lives can only be a step in the right direction.

当我们重新审视成人间的性权力互动时，我们也应该让青少年加入我们所取得的进展之中。在年轻人开始各自的感情生活之际，为他们设定一个高而公平的要求，绝对是正确的一步。