如何变得魅力四射？

Want to be charismatic? You can learn how, according to Richard Reid. While he does not claim he is able to transform a wet lettuce into Barack Obama, the psychologist and coach does believe he can ramp up charisma in everyone. 想让自己变得有魅力吗?理查德•里德(Richard Reid)说，这可以学。虽然没有宣称他能把菜鸟变成巴拉克•奥巴马(Barack Obama)，但这位心理学家兼培训师确信他有能力提升每个人的魅力。

He is one of a new breed of executive coaches promising to step up your personal wow factor, holding workshops for business clients including EY and Sophos and one-to-one sessions with executives. 里德属于新一代高管培训师，这些人承诺能够帮助人们提升自身的闪光点，为安永(EY)和Sophos之类的企业客户举办研讨班，并针对高管们开设一对一课程。

But what is charisma? You know it when you see it. It can take your breath away, spur you to action, and make you fall in love. Max Weber, a German sociologist, described it as “a certain quality of an individual personality by virtue of which he is set apart from ordinary men and treated as endowed with supernatural, superhuman, or at least specifically exceptional powers or qualities”. 但什么是魅力?当你亲眼目睹时就会明白。它能令你忘记呼吸、促使你采取行动或者坠入爱河。德国社会学家马克斯•韦伯(Max Weber)将魅力描述为“个体人格中的一种特定品质，使人显得卓尔不群，并被认为具有不同于常人的、超凡脱俗的或至少十分独特的力量或素养”。

Said Weber: “These are . . . not accessible to the ordinary person, but are regarded as of divine origin or as exemplary, and on the basis of them the individual concerned is treated as a leader.” Of course, charismatic leaders may be dangerous, like the late cult commander Charles Manson or demagogues, such as Hitler. 韦伯说：“普通人无法养成这些品质，它们是天赐的或具有典范意义的，这些品质是一个人成为领导者的基础。”诚然，魅力型的领袖也可能是危险的，如已故的邪教团体头目查尔斯•曼森(Charles Manson)，或像希特勒这种蛊惑人心的政客。

When I visit Mr Reid at his office in a grand Georgian townhouse in Mayfair, he is wearing a sensible blue jumper and casual-smart trousers and appears confident and engaging, rather than superhuman. Is he charismatic? “I can connect with people,” he says. “Confident in my own skin, I don’t need to put people down [and can] manage my emotions.” 里德的办公室位于梅菲尔区(Mayfair)，在一幢富丽堂皇的乔治亚风格的联排别墅里。我去拜访他时，他穿着一件舒适的蓝色套衫和一条休闲又时尚的裤子，看起来自信而迷人，但并不超凡脱俗。他有魅力吗?“我能和人们打成一片，”他说。“我很自信，我不需要去贬低别人，而且我能管理好自己的情绪。”

Today there will be no lessons in demagoguery. In fact, he has never encountered a proto-Hitler in his workshops. “They tend to think they know everything . . . [they’re] cynical, narcissistic.” His brand of charisma is the good type, he insists, rather than vainglorious manipulation. 如今不会有课程教人们怎么去煽动别人。事实上，里德从没在自己的研讨班上遇到过有希特勒倾向的人。“那种人觉得自己无所不知…… (他们)愤世嫉俗、自恋。”里德坚信自己标榜的是一种积极的魅力，而不是自命不凡地操纵他人。

Charisma by Mr Reid’s definition is far more humdrum than Weber’s, reflecting a division between organisational psychologists on the one hand, and sociologists. 比起韦伯对魅力的定义，里德所说的魅力要平凡得多，这体现了组织心理学家与社会学家之间的区别。

The latter include media researcher, John Potts, author of A History of Charisma 社会学家中还有一位媒体研究者约翰•鲍茨(John Potts)，鲍茨著有《魅力之史》(A History of Charisma)，他认为魅力无法后天习得，它是一种“特殊的、与生俱来的品质，这种品质令某些人与众不同并富有吸引力”。鲍茨称魅力是种罕见的品质，只有很少一些领袖人物才具备。

, who believes it cannot be taught because it is a “special, innate quality that sets certain individuals apart and draws others to them”. Professor Potts says it is a rare quality found only in a very few leaders. 他认为魅力适用于事物，如书籍、电影、建筑，甚至是一个三明治。“特别是在广告中，魅力被用作‘独特’的同义词。”鲍茨极度怀疑那些号称能提升个人魅力的励志书籍和顾问们，认为那些“多半不靠谱”。

He has found charisma applied to things like books, films, buildings, even a sandwich. “It is used particularly in advertising as a synonym for ‘special’.” Prof Potts is profoundly sceptical of the self-help books and consultants promising ways to increase your charisma, deeming them to be “likely illusory”. 其他人，如洛桑大学(University of Lausanne)组织行为学教授约翰•安东纳基斯(John Antonakis)则认为，魅力可以后天习得。安东纳基斯曾与人联合为《哈佛商业评论》(Harvard Business Review)撰写过一篇文章，文中称：“魅力不全是与生俱来的;它是一种可以习得的技能，或者更确切地说，是一套久经实践的技能。”人人都能学习“有魅力的领导技巧”，从而变得更具影响力。

Others, like John Antonakis, professor of organisational behaviour at the University of Lausanne, are of the view that it can be learnt. An article for Harvard Business Review 里德利用了这种日常的魅力，这种魅力表现出一个人的情商、自信与端庄的举止，并使人感到温暖亲切。销售人员需要它。若想赢得员工们的支持，企业领导者也需要它。

, co-authored by Professor Antonakis, states that: “Charisma is not all innate; it’s a learnable skill or, rather, a set of skills that have been practised since antiquity.” Anyone can learn “charismatic leadership tactics”, to become more influential. 事实上，人人都能凭借魅力脱颖而出，里德说。在一个自动化的未来，我们都必须发挥自己身为人的优势。

Mr Reid draws on this everyday charisma that reflects emotional intelligence, projects confidence and gravitas and exudes warmth. Sales staff need it. So do business leaders if they want their employees to get behind them. 人们在遭遇压力或危机时求助于他——也许有一个即将到来的演讲、错失一次晋升的机会、或仅仅是感到在工作中不被重视。他甚至给一个失恋的男人提过建议，这名男子约会不顺利——难点在于，他所传授的是需要被熟记于心的单口相声般的表演才能。

In fact, everyone could do with charisma to stand out, argues Mr Reid. And in an automated future we will all have to play to our human strengths. 我体验了一节闪电式的魅力课程。作为一名新闻记者，我善于建立良好的人际关系，这对采访很有帮助。然而，当众发言却总令我紧张，每次都草草收场。喜剧演员杰瑞•宋飞(Jerry Seinfeld)的观察是对的，大部分“人都最怕当众发言。其次才怕死……就是说，对普通人而言，在葬礼上呆在棺材里都比致悼词好。”我还有种英国人的性情，就是没法严肃起来，这不免会显得不够郑重。

People seek him out at times of stress or crisis — perhaps an impending speech, missing out on a promotion, or just a feeling they are not taken seriously at work. He has even counselled a lovelorn man whose dates were going awry — the fact that he was delivering memorised stand-up routines turned out to be the problem. 里德首先让我做一个60秒的即兴自我推销。我大脑一片空白，只记得自己的名字和工作，我于是感到非常绝望。

I try a whirlwind lesson in charisma. I am good at building rapport — as a journalist, it is a helpful skill for interviewing people. Public speaking, however, makes me nervous and I rush to get to the end. The comedian Jerry Seinfeld’s observation rings true: most “people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death . . . This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” I also have a British tendency to not take myself seriously, which undermines the gravitas. “我是个妈妈，是个继母。”(等着看我的回忆录吧。)令人惊讶的是，里德认为无趣的不是我的生活，而是我这个人。我不该把两只手紧紧攥着，而是要用它们让自己的言谈更有活力、观点更坚实可靠。他演示了一下，摊开一只手掌，做了一个切砍的动作。“这显得果决，”他说。

Mr Reid’s first exercise is asking me to deliver an unrehearsed 60-second sales pitch about myself. Brain freeze sets in. I just about remember my name and my job, then I get desperate. 他指出，我说话时一到句尾语调就上升，就像在征求别人的肯定，或者变成了澳大利亚人。我试着把这些综合起来，又练习了一遍，同时想着这么多要点，让我听起来就像个机器人。里德的建议就是练习、练习再练习。

“I’m a mum, I’m a stepmum.” (Just wait for my memoirs.) His criticism is not, amazingly, how dull my life is but that I am inanimate. Instead of clasping my hands, I should use them to energise my delivery and reinforce my points. He demonstrates, opening his hand and dropping it in a chopping motion. “It’s about being purposeful,” he says. 我接着又试了一个自信练习。我闭上双眼，把注意力集中到自己的呼吸上，以此来排除一些消极的念头，并在脑海中想象一个能让自己思绪平静、专注的场景。里德建议我回想一次轻松的度假。我照做了。我回忆起我们上次没带孩子去度假的事——这马上让我觉得自己是个差劲的母亲。“我们时常让情绪凌驾于自己的行为表现之上，使自己与他人的交流受阻，”里德说。

He points out that my sentences have begun to go up at the end as if I am seeking reassurance, or have become Australian. I rehearse putting them together and with so many things to think about I sound like a robot. Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse, is the advice. 里德建议我回想自己写过的一篇引以为傲的文章，这让我们都好受了不少。“这是让你认清自己的长处，”他说。

Next I try a confidence exercise. I close my eyes and focus on my breath, to shut down the negative thoughts and focus on a scene that will calm my swirling brain and inject enthusiasm. Mr Reid suggests thinking of a relaxing holiday. So I do. I remember our last child-free holiday — which immediately makes me think I am a terrible mother. “Often we allow our emotions to override our performance and impede our interactions with others,” he says. 里德说，魅力是一个用来吸引高管的笼统术语，这些高管热衷于改进沟通技巧，并迫切希望了解是什么阻碍了他们的发展。“我能和那些对心理学没兴趣的人交谈，他们都知道谁有魅力，谁没有，”他说。“心理学和每个人都息息相关，但很多人对心理学有误解，并保持警惕。”

We are on safer ground when he suggests I think of an article I am proud to have written. “It’s about polishing the edges of who you are,” he says. 见过里德后，我学会了更好地展现自己，但好像还是学不会发号施令。

Charisma, says Mr Reid, is a catch-all term to attract executives keen to improve communication skills and to understand what inhibits their progress. “I can talk to people with no interest in psychology and they will all have ideas on who’s got it and who hasn’t,” he says. “Psychology is relevant to everybody but lots of people have misconceptions about it and are wary.”