我是如何当妈的？

Angela Ahrendts last week sat down to write an open letter to her daughters, Sommer and Angelina, and posted the result on LinkedIn for all to see. Most people liked it a lot. Inspiring! Beautiful! Fabulous! Empowering! — was the verdict on Twitter.

安吉拉•阿伦茨(Angela Ahrendts)前不久给她的两个女儿，索玛(Sommer)和安吉丽娜(Angelina)，写了一封公开信，她把这封信发表在领英(LinkedIn)上。大部分人对这封信都推崇备至。好感人!写得真好!棒极了!正能量!——Twitter上一片盛赞。

On reading it I was filled with wonder too, but mainly at how another professional white woman, born less than a year after me, could view motherhood quite so differently.

看了这封信我也大为惊奇，但主要是因为，同样是白人职业女性(她比我小几个月)，对于为母之道的看法，我俩竟如此不同。

The Apple exec and ex-Burberry boss begins: “I’ve always tried to lead by example when we are together, so I will do the same in this letter by reminding you of a few thoughts that will help you navigate your incredible life journey ahead.”

这位苹果(Apple)的高管和博柏利(Burberry)的前首席执行官在信的开头这样写道：“和你们在一起时我总试着以身作则，所以在这封信中我也会这么做，我要给你们提一些建议，帮你们在奇妙的人生之旅中顺利航行。”

Before she has got going, she and I have parted company. As my children are grown up, I do not see myself as leading them at all. Neither do I believe that a few thoughts from me will help them much on their incredible life journey. Indeed, I refuse to see their lives as a journey, incredible or otherwise. I reserve that word for something that involves going from A to B, preferably with a ticket.

还没进入正题，她就和我产生了分歧。我的孩子们都已长大，这让我觉得根本没法再引导他们。我也不认为在他们奇妙的人生之旅中我的意见能帮上多大忙。事实上，我不愿将他们的人生看成一段旅程，不管奇不奇妙。我觉得，旅程这个词含有从一个地方到另一个地方的意思，而且最好有张票。

Ms Ahrendts’ first tip is to be present: “I’ve always tried to be present for you,” she says. This mindfulness jargon strikes me as a cop-out when used by working parents. It has been scientifically proven that you cannot be in two places at once, and so if you are present at work, you are not present at home. To tell oneself otherwise assuages the guilt a bit, but does not change the reality.

阿伦茨女士的第一条秘诀是陪伴：“我总是尽量陪伴你们，”她写道。这句谨小慎微的话让我倍感惊讶，这是上班族父母惯用的一种托词。科学证明一个人分身乏术，所以如果你在上班，就无法陪伴家人。自欺欺人能减轻一点罪恶感，但并不能改变事实。

“I wanted you to know that I am always there for you spiritually, emotionally and digitally,” she goes on. Digitally? What does that mean? That you can be present when you are absent?

“我想让你们知道，我会一直跟你们在一起，无论是在精神上、情感上还是在网上，”她继续写道。在网上?这是什么意思?是说即便你不在家也能陪孩子?

“You know I am on 24/7 for advice, love, or just to share a funny filtered photo, bitmoji or laugh.”

“要知道你们每天24小时都可以向我征求意见、求关爱，或只是跟我分享一张搞笑的滤镜照片、一个自定义表情或是一件好玩的事儿。”

By contrast, I have always made it clear to my children I am on 16/7 max — they can wake me only at night for emergencies, and never for a laugh or a bitmoji. I am not sure what the latter is, but now I think of it, I doubt if I am on for that during the day either.

正相反，我一向明确告诫我的孩子们每天最多可以烦我16个小时——只有发生紧急情况才能在夜里把我弄醒，而且绝不要跟我分享什么乐子或是自定义表情。我拿不准自定义表情是个什么东西，但现在想来，我怀疑在白天自己脸上可能一直带着那玩意。

So far, our disagreement may be merely that Ms Ahrendts is American and I am British, and to her it makes sense to write about how much she loves her children on LinkedIn. To me, less so. Yet reading on, a more serious disagreement emerges. “Don’t let anyone persuade you to do anything that doesn’t feel natural or isn’t aligned with your values or God-given gifts,” she urges her daughters.

到目前为止，阿伦茨女士与我的分歧也许仅仅在于，她是美国人，而我是英国人，对她来说，在领英上表达自己多么爱孩子名正言顺。但对我而言，却不尽然。然而接着读她的信，我又发现她和我之间一个更为严重的分歧。“别被任何人说服去做任何让你们感到不自在、或有悖自己价值观或是天赋的事，”她如此告诫自己的两个女儿。

Not only do I disagree with this, I actively disapprove. This sort of advice is the reason that millennials are so disparaged. If they have been told by their mothers never to do anything that does not feel natural or align with their God-given gifts, how can they be anything other than insufferable brats when they join the workforce?

对于这个主张，我不仅不敢苟同，还要坚决反对。这类主张正是千禧一代如此不招人待见的原因。如果他们的妈妈曾教导他们，绝不要做任何令自己感到不自在或有违自身天赋的事，那么当这些孩子踏入职场，就只会成为让人受不了的刺头儿。

Instead, I warn my daughters (and sons) that almost all work feels unnatural at first and is often a bit boring, but if you stick at it, it gets better, and with luck can be rather interesting.

相反，我这样告诫我的女儿们(还有儿子们)，几乎所有工作在一开始都不怎么自在，通常还有点无聊，但如果坚持下去，就会渐入佳境，而且运气好的话还可能很有意思。

Ms Ahrendts’ letter is better than a similar one written to his daughter by Eric Sprunk, chief operating officer of Nike, as part of the same Leaders and Daughters campaign organised by Egon Zehnder, the recruiter. “I want you to know you can be an incredible business leader, mother, sister, daughter, aunt, godparent, friend and wife all at the same time,” he writes.

阿伦茨女士的这封信，比起艾瑞克•斯普朗克(Eric Sprunk)写给他女儿的信还略胜一筹，身为耐克(Nike)的首席运营官，斯普朗克先生也是参加猎头公司亿康先达(Egon Zehnder)组织的“领导者与女儿们”(Leaders and Daughters)活动的一份子。“我希望你明白，你能成为一名非凡的商业领袖，同时还可以身兼母亲、姐妹、女儿、阿姨、教母、朋友和妻子多种不同的身份，”他写道。

This is downright irresponsible. I doubt if there is a single woman alive who has done all that, and by setting unreachable goals he is setting poor Ms Sprunk up for certain failure.

这话说得一点都不负责任。我怀疑在世的有哪个女人做到了所有这一切，斯普朗克先生设置了这么多不切实际的目标，只会让自己那可怜的女儿成为必然的失败者。

From my British point of view, what I want for my sons and daughters alike is for them to be decent human beings, economically independent, and happy-ish. I think of my own mother who was not there for me digitally, but did teach me how to knit and how to write, both of which have proved jolly useful.

作为一个英国人，我对儿女们的期望就是，为人正派，经济独立，并且快快乐乐。我想起我的母亲，她没有在网上陪过我，但却教会我如何编织以及如何写作，事实证明，这两项技能都十分有趣实用。

As for what I have taught mine, 10 days ago I sat on a stage in London with one of my daughters at an event, also organised by Egon Zehnder.

再来说说我教会了我的孩子们些什么，前不久，我和我的一个女儿一同参加了一个也是由亿康先达组织的活动，我俩坐在伦敦的一个舞台上。

She pointed out that having a loud-mouthed columnist for a mother was a mixed blessing. But she went on to say one thing that has made me very happy indeed. That I have taught her how to spot bullshit at 50 paces.

我女儿指出有一个胡吹乱侃的专栏作家老妈是件苦乐参半的事。不过她接着又说了一件事，让我着实高兴。那就是，我教会了她如何在50步开外分辨出实话和胡扯。