快把电子产品赶出卧室，增进情感健康

为了感情的健康，快把电子产品赶出卧室

Sound the alarm: The good old-fashioned relationship is under attack from technology.

敲一下警钟：美好的传统恋爱关系正在遭受科技产品的打击。

That seems to be the message from a growing body of psychology research examining how technology is affecting our love lives and friendships.

越来越多的心理研究机构正在研究科技对爱情生活和友情造成的影响，它们似乎传递出了这种信息。

For many couples, technology is a double-edged sword. The “his” and “hers” towels have been replaced by smartphones that allow people to stay tethered all day, whether it’s to share shopping lists or heart-shaped emoji. But those same couples get into tiffs when one person pulls out a cellphone at dinner or clicks on the iPad before bed, forgoing pillow talk for Twitter.

对很多情侣来说，科技是一把双刃剑。情侣毛巾被智能手机取代，后者能让人们全天保持联系，不管是分享购物清单还是心形表情符号。但是当情侣中的一方在用餐时拿出手机，或者睡觉前不说枕边悄悄话，而是用iPad发Twitter时，他们就会发生口角。

A study published last month in The International Journal of Neuropsychotherapy, for example, found that when one person in a relationship is using some forms of technology more than the other, it makes the second person feel ignored and insecure. Or as your therapist may say, it brings up a whole lot of abandonment issues.

例如，《国际神经心理治疗杂志》(International Journal of Neuropsychotherapy)上月发表的一项研究发现，当情侣中的一方比另一方更常使用某些科技产品时，另一方会觉得被忽视，失去安全感。或者就像心理医生说的，它会引发很多关于抛弃的问题。

“Engaging in technology separate to a partner while in the presence of them encourages a disconnection rather than a connection,” said Christina Leggett, a senior researcher at the School of Psychology at the University of Queensland in Australia, who wrote the study with Pieter J. Rossouw, a professor there. “Disconnection in relationships tends to lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and comprises an individual’s sense of safety, attachment and control.”

这项研究是澳大利亚昆士兰大学心理学院高级研究员克里斯蒂娜·莱格特(Christina Leggett)和教授皮埃尔·J·卢索(Pieter J. Rossouw)共同发表的。莱格特说，“在伴侣面前顾自玩科技产品，会让双方更疏远，而非更亲密。恋爱关系中的疏远会导致不满，让另一方失去安全感、依恋感和可控感。”

In a study published this year, Pew Research found that 25 percent of cellphone users in a relationship believed that their partner was distracted by that person’s cellphone when they were together. Eight percent said they had argued about how much time one party spends online.

皮尤研究中心今年发表的一项研究发现，情侣中25%的手机用户认为，他们在一起时伴侣因手机而分心。8%的被调查者称，他们就其中一方的上网时间发生过争论。

In 2013, a study by Brigham Young University researchers concluded that texting too much within a relationship could leave partners very dissatisfied with their overall communication. (Saying “sorry” over text in an argument only made things worse, the same study found.) And in 2012, researchers at the Baylor University Hankamer School of Business found that paying too much attention to a cellphone could ruin relationships with loved ones and friends.

2013年，杨百翰大学(Brigham Young University)的一项研究发现，在恋爱中过多发短信会使情侣们对总体交流状况感到非常不满(这一研究还发现，在争吵中发短信道歉只会把情况弄得更糟)。2012年，贝勒大学汉卡默商务学院的研究者发现，过度关注手机有可能毁掉恋情和友情。

“Phubbing your significant other by giving precedence to your phone activities over paying attention to your significant other is a path to strained relationships,” James Roberts, a professor at Baylor who wrote the 2012 study, wrote in an email, using the shorthand term for “phone snubbing.” “When one or both people in a couple overuse (variously defined) their cellphone, or other technology, it is likely to undermine their relationship.”

发表这项研究的詹姆斯·罗伯茨教授(James Roberts)在电子邮件中写道，“优先考虑手机上的活动，不理会你的重要伴侣，会破坏你们的关系。情侣中的一方或双方过度使用(认定标准各不相同)手机或其他科技产品很可能会破坏双方的关系。”

One way to find a balance, according to researchers I spoke with, is to organize device-free outings with your significant other. That could include weekend hikes in areas without cell service or leaving phones at home during brunch. (Sorry: That means you won’t be able to Instagram your eggs Benedict.)

我采访的几位研究者称，其中一个平衡方法是和你的重要伴侣进行不带科技产品的外出活动。比如，周末一起去没有手机信号的地方远足，或者把手机留在家里去外面吃早午餐(对不起，这意味着你不能把你的火腿蛋松饼发到Instagram上)。

At home, where it’s more difficult to escape the clutches of tech, researchers suggested setting up gadget-free zones, where laptops, iPads and other devices are banned. Dr. Rossouw said that he tells people to make the bedroom a “sacred space free from technology.” He also noted that couples who work from home should be especially cognizant of this, creating strict boundaries for where tech is allowed and where it’s not.

在家里，想逃避科技产品要难得多。研究者们建议设立无电子产品区域，在那里禁止使用笔记本电脑或iPad等科技产品。卢索博士说，他建议人们把卧室变成“没有科技产品的神圣空间”。他还指出，在家工作的情侣们应该特别注意这一点，设立严格界线，确定哪些地方能用科技产品，哪些地方不能。

But take it from me, setting up gadget-free zones isn’t easy.

但是请相信我，设立无科技产品区域并不容易。

My fiancée and I are currently in a standoff about our gadget-free bedroom. From her perspective, there should not be any gadgets in the bedroom except an alarm clock. While I think this is fair, I’ve argued that if I was reading a book on my iPad, then that device should be exempt from the ban. And a Kindle, which could be seen as a print book with a fancy reading light, should be perfectly O.K., too. (She disagrees, hence the standoff.)

我和未婚妻正就无科技产品卧室陷入僵持。在她看来，除了闹钟，卧室里不应该有任何科技产品。我觉得她说的有道理，但我认为，要是用iPad读书，那个设备应该不受这项禁令约束。Kindle可以被看作具有别致阅读灯的纸质书，也完全不应该被禁止(她不同意我的看法，所以我们在僵持)。

One solution, if things get really extreme, could be installing wallpaper in the bedroom that can block Wi-Fi signals from coming in or out. Though if you get to that point, you may have bigger problems.

如果情势激化，有个办法是在卧室贴上能屏蔽Wi-Fi信号的墙纸。不过如果你们到了那种地步，可能会有更大的麻烦。

If you think a Kindle is tricky, wait until your significant other starts wearing the Apple Watch next year. Are you going to ask your husband or wife to take off the watch before coming into the gadget-free bedroom?

如果你觉得Kindle是个难题，那明年你的伴侣开始佩戴苹果手表时就更难办了。你会要求丈夫或妻子在进入无科技产品卧室前取掉手表吗?

But tech in a relationship isn’t all bad. In fact, if used correctly, it can actually bring couples closer together. Ms. Leggett and Dr. Rossouw’s study found that couples who used technology together — watching TV, for example — can make people feel more connected in their relationship. (Quick, grab the popcorn and a good rom-com.) The researchers even found that couples using their cellphone together “while engaging and interacting with each other” could be positive. (Words With Friends, darling?)

不过，科技产品不是只会破坏恋情。实际上，如果正确使用，它也能让情侣们更亲密。莱格特和卢索的研究发现，情侣一起使用科技产品——比如一起看电视 ——能让他们感觉更亲密(快，拿起爆米花，找一个好看的浪漫喜剧)。研究者们甚至发现，和情侣一起用手机“互动”可能是有益的(亲爱的，咱们一起玩 Words With Friends拼字游戏吧?)。

Some experts who study the effects of tech on relationships say that the cons of tech don’t outweigh the pros.

一些研究科技产品对恋爱关系影响的专家们称，科技产品的正面作用不比负面作用少。

“Being able to stay in touch with loved ones when they are not physically present is a benefit that ought not be underestimated,” said Michael J. Rosenfeld, an associate professor of sociology at Stanford University, who wrote a breakthrough paper in 2012 about technology and relationships. “I don’t disagree that technology can distract us away from the people who are most physically proximate, but I see no evidence that our relationships are diminished by technology.”

“爱人不在身边时能和他/她保持联系，这个好处不能低估，”斯坦福大学社会学副教授迈克尔·J·罗森菲尔德(Michael J. Rosenfeld)说。2012年他写了一篇关于科技产品与恋爱关系的突破性文章。“科技产品会让我们和身边的人相处时分神，这一点我不反对，但我没有看到证据证明科技产品会削弱恋爱关系。”