盘点:情侣谈心常出现的问题

   　It’s no secret that men and women communicate differently – but is there really no way to translate Mars talk to Venus speak? Dr. B. Janet Hibbs, a psychologist and couples therapist, says there’s hope as long as you’re willing to adjust your “filter” – a.k.a. the part of your brain that processes what he says, spins it around and reacts to it. Ready for a practice run? Here are six common communication problems in relationships。

　　人人都知道男人和女人的表达方式不同——但真的没有办法让“金星”听懂“火星”的话吗？心理学家兼伴侣治疗师B。珍妮特·希布斯博士说，只要你愿意调整你的“过滤器”——即大脑中处理他所说的话，翻来覆去想一下，然后再做出回应的那部分——就有希望。准备练习一下吗？这里有六种在伴侣关系中经常出现的交流问题。

　　WHAT HE SAYS: “I’m sorry you feel that way。”

　　WHAT YOU HEAR: “You’re being a psycho。”

　　WHAT HE MEANS: “I just really want this argument to be over。” Women like to hash things out, talking issues through from start to finish. Guys, on the other hand, have much more of a flight instinct when it comes to confrontation – especially if he doesn’t fully understand why you’re so upset。

　　他说：“你那么想我感到很抱歉。”

　　你的理解：“你神经兮兮的。”

　　他的意思是：“我真的不想再吵了。”女人们喜欢刨根问底，将问题从头到尾说清楚。而另一方面，当发生冲突时，男人们本能地更想要逃避——尤其是当他不能充分地理解你为什么如此不悦的时候。

　　WHAT HE SAYS: “If you feel undervalued, ask for a raise。”

　　WHAT YOU HEAR: “Ugh, your problems are so simple – just fix it。”

　　WHAT HE MEANS: “Work’s bothering you? Let me help!” The truth is, men tend to see themselves as problem solvers in romantic relationships, and so what comes across as condescending1 can actually be your guy’s way of trying to help。

　　他说：“如果你觉得报酬低，可以要求加薪。”

　　你的理解：“哎，你的问题这么简单——只要解决就好了。”

　　他的意思是：“工作让你感到困扰吗？让我来帮助你！”事实上，在恋爱关系中，男人往往视他们自己为问题解决者，所以他看起来傲慢的表现实际上是你的男人在试图帮助你的方式。