Never was anything so gallant, so well accoutred, so brilliant, and so fnely disposed as the two armies. The trumpets, ffes, hautboys, drums, and cannon made such harmony as never was heard in Hell itself.The entertainment began by a discharge of cannon, which, in the twinkling of an eye, laid flat about 6,000 men on each side.The musket bullets swept away, out of the best of all possible worlds, nine or ten thousand scoundrels that infested its surface.The bayonet was next the suffcient reason of the deaths of several thousands.The whole might amount to thirty thousand souls.Candide trembled like a philosopher, and concealed himself as well as he could during this heroic butchery.
At length, while the two kings were causing Te Deums to be sung in their camps, Candide took a resolution to go and reason somewhere else upon causes and effects. After passing over heaps of dead or dying men, the frst place he came to was a neighboring village, in the Abarian territories, which had been burned to the ground by the Bulgarians, agreeably to the laws of war.Here lay a number of old men covered with wounds, who beheld their wives dying with their throats cut, and hugging their children to their breasts, all stained with blood.There several young virgins, whose bodies had been ripped open, after they had satisfed the natural necessities of the Bulgarian heroes, breathed their last;while others, half-burned in the flames, begged to be dispatched out of the world.The ground about them was covered with the brains, arms, and legs of dead men.
Candide made all the haste he could to another village, which belonged to the Bulgarians, and there he found the heroic Abares had enacted the same tragedy. Thence continuing to walk over palpitating limbs, or through ruined buildings, at length he arrived beyond the theater of war, with a little provision in his budget, and Miss Cunegund's image in his heart.When he arrived in Holland his provision failed him;but having heard that the inhabitants of that country were all rich and Christians, he made himself sure of being treated by them in the same manner as the Baron's castle, before he had been driven thence through the power of Miss Cunegund's bright eyes.
He asked charity of several grave-looking people, who one and all answered him, that if he continued to follow this trade they would have him sent to the house of correction, where he should be taught to get his bread.
He next addressed himself to a person who had just come from haranguing a numerous assembly for a whole hour on the subject of charity. The orator, squinting at him under his broadbrimmed hat, asked him sternly, what brought him thither and whether he was for the good old cause?
“Sir,”said Candide, in a submissive manner,“I conceive there can be no effect without a cause;everything is necessarily concatenated and arranged for the best. It was necessary that I should be banished from the presence of Miss Cunegund;that I should afterwards run the gauntlet;and it is necessary I should beg my bread, till I am able to get it.All this could not have been otherwise.”
“Hark ye, friend,”said the orator,“do you hold the Pope to be Antichrist?”
“Truly, I never heard anything about it,”said Candide,“but whether he is or not, I am in want of something to eat.”
“Thou deservest not to eat or to drink,”replied the orator,“wretch, monster, that thou art!Hence!Avoid my sight, nor ever come near me again while thou livest.”
The orator's wife happened to put her head out of the window at that instant, when, seeing a man who doubted whether the Pope was Antichrist, she discharged upon his head a utensil full of water. Good heavens, to what excess does religious zeal transport womankind!
A man who had never been christened, an honest Anabaptist named James, was witness to the cruel and ignominious treatment showed to one of his brethren, to a rational, two-footed, unfledged being. Moved with pity he carried him to his own house, caused him to be cleaned, gave him meat and drink, and made him a present of two forins, at the same time proposing to instruct him in his own trade of weaving Persian silks, which are fabricated in Holland.
Candide, penetrated with so much goodness, threw himself at his feet, crying,“Now I am convinced that my Master Pangloss told me truth when he said that everything was for the best in this world;for I am infnitely more affected with your extraordinary generosity than with the inhumanity of that gentleman in the black cloak and his wife.”
两支军队的雄壮、敏捷、辉煌和整齐,可以说无与伦比。喇叭、横笛、长箫、军鼓、大炮,合奏齐鸣,连地狱里也从来没有如此和谐的音乐。先是大炮把每一边的军队轰倒六千左右;排枪又替最美好的世界扫除了九千到一万名玷污地面的坏蛋。刺刀又充分说明了几千人的死因。总数大概有三万上下。老实人像哲学家一样发抖,在这场英勇的屠杀中尽量躲藏。
两国的国王各自在营中叫人高唱吾主上帝,感谢神恩;老实人可决意换一个地方去推敲因果关系了。他从已死和未死的人堆上爬过去,进入一个邻近的村子,只见一片灰烬。那是阿伐尔人的村庄,被保加利亚人依照公法焚毁了。这儿是戳满窟窿的老人,眼睁睁地看着他们被杀的妻子,怀中还有婴儿衔着血污的奶头;那儿是满足了英雄们的需要,被开肠破肚的姑娘,正在咽最后一口气;又有些烧得半死不活的,嚷着求人结果他们的性命。地下是断臂折腿,旁边淌着脑浆。
老实人拔步飞奔,逃往另外一个村子:那是保加利亚人的地方;阿伐尔人对付他们的手段也一般无二。老实人脚下踩着的不是瓦砾,便是还在扭动的肢体。他终于走出战场,褡裢内带着些干粮,念念不忘地想着居内贡小姐。到荷兰境内,干粮吃完了;但听说当地人人皆是富翁,并且是基督徒,便深信他们待客的情谊决不亚于男爵府上,就是说和他没有为了美丽的居内贡而被逐的时代一样。
他向好几位道貌岸然的人求布施。他们一致回答,倘若他老干这一行,就得送进感化院,教教他做人之道。
接着他看见一个人在大会上演讲,一口气讲了一个钟点,题目是乐善好施。他讲完了,老实人上前求助。演说家斜视着他,问道:“你来干什么?你是不是排斥外道,拥护正果的?”
老实人很谦卑地回答:“噢!天下事有果必有因;一切皆如连锁,安排得再妥当没有。我必须从居内贡小姐那边被赶出来,必须挨鞭子。我必须讨面包,讨到我能自己挣面包为止。这都是必然之事。”
演说家又问:“朋友,你可相信教皇是魔道吗[3]?”
老实人回答:“我还没听见这么说过;他是魔道也罢,不是魔道也罢,我缺少面包是真的。”
那人道:“你不配吃面包;滚开去,坏蛋;滚,流氓;滚,别走近我。”
演说家的老婆在窗口探了探头,看到一个不信教皇为魔道的人,立刻向他倒下一大……噢,天!妇女的醉心宗教竟会到这个地步!
一个未受洗礼的再浸礼派[4]信徒,名叫雅各,看到一个同胞,一个没有羽毛而有灵魂的两足动物,受到这样野蛮无礼的待遇,便带他到家里,让他洗澡,给他面包、啤酒,送他两个弗洛冷[5],还打算教老实人进他布厂学手艺,布厂的出品是在荷兰织造而叫作波斯呢的一种印花布。
老实人差不多扑在他脚下,叫道:“邦葛罗斯老师早告诉我了,这个世界上样样都十全十美;你的慷慨豪爽,比着那位穿黑衣服的先生和他太太的残酷,使我感动多了。”