双语·面纱 第七十五章

75

Kitty did not know whether it was by chance or by design that she never found herself for a moment alone with Charlie. His tact was exquisite. He remained kindly, sympathetic, pleasant, and amiable. No one could have guessed that they had ever been more than acquaintances. But one afternoon when she was lying on a sofa outside her room reading he passed along the verandah and stopped.

“What is that you're reading?” he asked.

“A book.”

She looked at him with irony. He smiled.

“Dorothy's gone to a garden-party at Government House.”

“I know. Why haven't you gone too?”

“I didn't feel I could face it and I thought I'd come back and keep you company. The car's outside, would you like to come for a drive round the island?”

“No, thank you.”

He sat down on the foot of the sofa on which she lay.

“We haven't had the chance of a talk by ourselves since you got here.”

She looked straight into his eyes with cool insolence.

“Do you think we have anything to say to one another?”

“Volumes.”

She shifted her feet so that she should not touch him.

“Are you still angry with me?” he asked, the shadow of a smile on his lips and his eyes melting.

“Not a bit,” she laughed.

“I don't think you'd laugh if you weren't.”

“You're mistaken; I despise you much too much to be angry with you.”

He was unruffled.

“I think you're rather hard on me. Looking back calmly, don't you honestly think I was right?”

“From your standpoint.”

“Now that you know Dorothy, you must admit she's rather nice?”

“Of course. I shall always be grateful for her great kindness to me.”

“She's one in a thousand. I should never have had a moment's peace if We'd bolted. It would have been a rotten trick to play on her. And after all I had to think of my children; it would have been an awful handicap for them.”

For a minute she held him in her reflective gaze. She felt completely mistress of the situation.

“I've watched you very carefully during the week I've been here. I've come to the conclusion that you really are fond of Dorothy. I should never have thought you capable of it.”

“I told you I was fond of her. I wouldn't do anything to cause her a moment's uneasiness. She's the best wife a man ever had.”

“Have you never thought that you owed her any loyalty?”

“What the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve for,” he smiled.

She shrugged her shoulders.

“You're despicable.”

“I'm human. I don't know why you should think me such a cad because I fell head over ears in love with you. I didn't particularly want to, you know.”

It gave her a little twist of the heart-strings to hear him say that.

“I was fair game,” she answered bitterly.

“Naturally I couldn't foresee that we were going to get into such a devil of a scrape.”

“And in any case you had a pretty shrewd idea that if any one suffered it wouldn't be you.”

“I think that's a bit thick. After all, now it's all over, you must see I acted for the best for both of us. You lost your head and you ought to be jolly glad that I kept mine. Do you think it would have been a success if I'd done what you wanted me to? We were dashed uncomfortable in the frying-pan, but we should have been a damned sight worse off in the fire. And you haven't come to any harm. Why can't we kiss and make friends?”

She almost laughed.

“You can hardly expect me to forget that you sent me to almost certain death without a shadow of compunction?”

“Oh, what nonsense! I told you there was no risk if you took reasonable precautions. Do you think I'd have let you go for a moment if I hadn't been perfectly convinced of that?”

“You were convinced because you wanted to be. You're one of those cowards who only think what it's profitable for them to think.”

“Well, the proof of the pudding is in the eating. You have come back, and if you don't mind my saying anything so objectionable you've come back prettier than ever.”

“And Walter?”

He could not resist the facetious answer which came to his mind. Charlie smiled.

“Nothing suits you so well as black.”

She stared at him for a moment. Tears filled her eyes and she began to cry. Her beautiful face was distorted with grief. She did not seek to hide it, but lay on her back with her hands along her sides.

“For God's sake don't cry like that. I didn't mean to say anything unkind. It was only a joke. You know how sincerely I feel for you in your bereavement.”

“Oh, hold your stupid tongue.”

“I'd give anything to have Walter back again.”

“He died because of you and me.”

He took her hand, but she snatched it away from him.

“Please go away,” she sobbed. “That's the only thing you can do for me now. I hate and despise you. Walter was worth ten of you and I was too big a fool to see it. Go away. Go away.”

She saw he was going to speak again and she sprang to her feet and went into her room. He followed her, and as he entered, with instinctive prudence, drew the shutter so that they were almost in darkness.

“I can't leave you like this,” he said, putting his arms round her.“You know I didn't mean to hurt you.”

“Don't touch me. For God's sake go. Go away.”

She tried to tear herself from him, but he would not let her. She was crying hysterically now.

“Darling, don't you know that I've always loved you,” he said in his deep, charming voice. “I love you more than ever.”

“How can you tell such lies! Let me go. Damn you, let me go.”

“Don't be unkind to me, Kitty. I know I've been a brute to you, but forgive me.”

She was shaking and sobbing, struggling to get away from him, but the pressure of his arms was strangely comforting. She had so longed to feel them round her once more, just once, and all her body trembled. She felt dreadfully weak. It seemed as though her bones were melting, and the sorrow she felt for Walter shifted into pity for herself.

“Oh, how could you be so unkind to me?” she sobbed. “Don't you know that I loved you with all my heart? No one has ever loved you as I loved you.”

“Darling.”

He began to kiss her.

“No, no,” she cried.

He sought her face, but she turned it away; he sought her lips; she did not know what he was saying, broken, passionate words of love; and his arms held her so firmly that she felt like a child that has been lost and now at last is safe at home. She moaned faintly. Her eyes were closed and her face was wet with tears. And then he found her lips and the pressure of his upon them shot through her body like the flame of God. It was an ecstasy and she was burnt to a cinder and she glowed as though she were transfigured. In her dreams, in her dreams she had known this rapture. What was he doing with her now? She did not know. She was not a woman, her personality was dissolved, she was nothing but desire. He lifted her off her feet, she was very light in his arms, he carried her and she clung to him, desperate and adoring; her head sank on the pillow and his lips clung to hers.

第七十五章

凯蒂发现，不知是有意还是无意，她没有一刻能够和查理单独相处。他圆滑、老到，保持着友善、同情、愉快和可亲。没人能猜到他们曾经有一段超越了友谊的关系。但有一天午后，当她正躺在她房间外的沙发上看书的时候，他沿着阳台走过来，而且停住了脚步。

“你正在读什么？”他问道。

“一本书。”

她嘲弄地看着他，他笑着说：

“多萝西去参加一场在总督府举行的花园聚会了。”

“我知道，你为什么没去？”

“我觉得我受不了那种场合，我想我还是回来陪会儿你吧。车就在外面，你愿意出去环岛兜兜风吗？”

“不了，谢谢你。”

他坐在了她躺着的沙发的一角。

“自从你来了这儿以后，我们还没有机会单独谈一谈。”

她用一种冷冷的目光傲慢地直视他的眼睛。

“你认为我们还有什么要说的吗？”

“很多呀。”

她移动了一下她的脚，以免碰到他。

“你还在生我的气吗？”他问道，一丝笑意挂在他的嘴角，眼神十分柔和。

“一点儿也不。”她笑出了声。

“如果你不生气，我觉得你就不会笑了。”

“你搞错了，我太鄙视你了，都生不起气来了。”

他依然镇定自若。

“我想你对我太苛刻了，冷静地回想一下，说实话难道你不认为我是对的吗？”

“站在你的角度，当然是对的。”

“既然你了解多萝西了，难道你不承认她人真的很好吗？”

“当然，我会永远感激她对我的好的。”

“她是一个百里挑一的人，如果当初我们真的逃跑了，我一刻也不会得到安宁的。那是对她耍了卑鄙的手段，而且，不管怎样，我还得考虑我的孩子们，那对他们的成长会造成可怕的障碍。”

她若有所思地盯着他足有一分钟的时间，觉得自己完全掌控了局势。

“在我来这儿的一周时间里，我仔细观察过你，我得出的结论是你真心喜欢多萝西。我原以为你从来没喜欢过她。”

“我告诉过你我喜欢她，我不会做任何让她感到片刻不安的事情，她是一个男人所能拥有的最好的妻子。”

“你想没想过你曾经对她不忠呢？”

“只要她眼睛没有看到，心里就不会难过。”他笑着说。

她耸了耸肩。

“你可真够卑鄙的。”

“我是个有血有肉的人，我不知道为什么你认为我是个卑鄙的男人，就因为我被你完全迷倒了，我也不是特别想那样，这你是知道的。”

听到他这么说，她的心弦被拨动了一下。

“我也脱不了干系。”她挖苦地回答道。

“当然，我也无法预测到我们会走到这一步境地。”

“不管怎么样，你有一个相当精明的念头，如果有人遭罪的话，那一定不是你。”

“我想你言重了，毕竟现在一切都结束了，你必须看到为了我们两个人，我采取了最好的行动。你失去了理智，而你应该高兴地看到我还是很冷静。如果我按照你想让我做的去行动，你认为可能成功吗？我们当初是热锅上的蚂蚁，我们可能会落个更糟的结局，就是掉到火里。而事实上你没有受到任何伤害，为什么我们不能亲吻对方，再次成为朋友呢？”

她差点儿要笑出了声。

“你不会指望我忘记你曾经把我往绝路上逼，而你丝毫没有内疚之情吧？”

“哦，真是胡说！我告诉过你如果采取适当的预防措施，就根本不会有危险。如果我不是绝对地相信这一点，你认为我会让你去吗？”

“你相信这一点是因为你想相信。你是个懦夫，这种人考虑问题从来只是从自己利益最大化的角度来考虑的。”

“好吧，但事实胜于雄辩，你已经回来了，而且如果你不介意我说的让你不快的话，你比以前气色还好地安然无恙地回来了。”

“那沃尔特呢？”

灵光一现的玩笑话突然到了嘴边，他忍不住笑着脱口而出：

“没有什么比黑色更适合你的了。”

她死盯着他，足足有好一会儿，泪水充满了眼眶，她开始哭了起来。她美丽的脸庞由于悲痛而扭曲了。她并不想掩藏悲痛，只是仰面躺下了，双手摊在了身侧。

“看在上帝的分儿上，别这样哭，我不是想说什么不好的话，那只是句玩笑，你知道我理解你的丧夫之痛，我真诚地为你感到难过。”

“哦，闭上你那张臭嘴。”

“我愿意付出一切换回沃尔特。”

“他的死是因为你和我。”

他抓住了她的手，但她把手从他的手里抽了出来。

“请走开吧。”她抽泣地说道，“那是你现在唯一能为我做的事。我讨厌你，鄙视你。沃尔特比你好上十倍，只是我太傻了，看不到这一点。走开，走开。”

她看出他又要开口说话了，她从沙发上跳起来，进到了自己屋里。他跟着她，当他进来的时候，出于本能的谨慎，他把百叶窗拉了下来，他们几乎处于黑暗之中了。

“我不能让你像这样离开。”他说道，用双手搂着她，“你知道我没有打算伤害你。”

“别碰我，看在上帝的分儿上，走开，赶紧走开。”

她设法挣脱他的搂抱，但是他不松手，她又歇斯底里地哭开了。

“宝贝儿，难道你不知道我一直爱着你。”他用低沉、迷人的声音说道，“我比以前更爱你了。”

“你怎么能说出这么无耻的谎言，让我走，该死，放开我。”

“别对我这样，凯蒂，我知道我一度对你很残忍，但你得原谅我。”

她摇动着身体，抽泣着，挣扎着想摆脱他，但是他手臂的压力有种奇怪的慰藉，她多么渴望他再抱她一次，就一次。她浑身颤抖着，突然觉得非常虚弱，好像她的骨头都融化了，她从为沃尔特感到悲伤转移到为自己感到惋惜上来了。

“哦，你怎么能这样对待我？”她哭着说，“你难道不知道我全身心地爱着你吗？没人爱你像我爱你那样深？”

“宝贝儿。”

他开始吻她。

“不，不。”她喊道。

他想亲她的脸，但是她躲开了；他又想亲她的嘴，她不知道他嘴里在说些什么，都是不成句的、激动的情话，他的胳膊紧紧搂着她，让她觉得就像一个走丢的孩子，终于安全到家了。她虚弱地发出了一声呻吟，眼睛紧闭着，脸被泪水打湿了。这时，他找到了她的嘴唇，把自己的嘴唇压在了上面，她的身体就像过电一样麻，那是一种狂喜，她感觉身体燃烧着，脸涨得通红，就好像完全变了一个人似的。在她的梦中，她曾体验过这种狂喜。他现在正在和她干什么呢？她不知道，她不再是个女人，她整个人已经融化了，只剩下欲望的火焰了。他把她整个人都抱了起来，在他的怀抱中，她变得轻飘飘的了。他抱着她，而她紧紧地贴着他的胸膛，绝望而温顺。她的头陷入了枕头里，他的双唇贴了上去。