双语·面纱 第二十二章
Next day when she was lying down after luncheon, dozing, she was aroused by a knock at her door.
“Who is it?” she cried irritably.
At that hour she was unaccustomed to be disturbed.
“I.”
She recognized her husband's voice and she sat up quickly.
“Come in.”
“Did I wake you?” he asked as he entered.
“In point of fact you did,” she answered in the natural tone she had adopted with him for the last two days.
“Will you come into the next room. I want to have a little talk with you.”
Her heart gave a sudden beat against her ribs.
“I'll put on a dressing-gown.”
He left her. She slipped her bare feet into mules and wrapped herself in a kimono. She looked in the glass; she was very pale and she put on some rouge. She stood at the door for a moment, nerving herself for the interview, and then with a bold face joined him.
“How did you manage to get away from the Laboratory at this hour?” she said. “I don't often see you at this sort of time.”
“Won't you sit down?”
He did not look at her. He spoke gravely. She was glad to do as he asked: her knees were a little shaky, and unable to continue in that jocular tone she kept silent. He sat also and lit a cigarette. His eyes wandered restlessly about the room. He seemed to have some difficulty in starting.
Suddenly he looked full at her; and because he had held his eyes so long averted, his direct gaze gave her such a fright that she smothered a cry.
“Have you ever heard of Mei-tan-fu?” he asked. “There's been a good deal about it in the papers lately.”
She stared at him in astonishment. She hesitated.
“Is that the place where there's cholera? Mr. Arbuthnot was talking about it last night.”
“There's an epidemic. I believe it's the worst they've had for years. There was a medical missionary there. He died of cholera three days ago. There's a French convent there and of course there's the Customs man. everyone else has got out.”
His eyes were still fixed on her and she could not lower hers. She tried to read his expression, but she was nervous, and she could only discern a strange watchfulness. How could he look so steadily? He did not even blink.
“The French nuns are doing what they can. They've turned the orphanage into a hospital. But the people are dying like flies. I've offered to go and take charge.”
“You?”
She started violently. Her first thought was that if he went she would be free and without let or hindrance could see Charlie. But the thought shocked her. She felt herself go scarlet. Why did he watch her like that? She looked away in embarrassment.
“Is that necessary?” she faltered.
“There's not a foreign doctor in the place.”
“But you're not a doctor, you're a bacteriologist.”
“I am an M.D., you know, and before I specialised I did a good deal of general work in a hospital. The fact that I'm first and foremost a bacteriologist is all to the good. It will be an admirable chance for research work.”
He spoke almost flippantly and when she glanced at him she was surprised to see in his eyes a gleam of mockery. She could not understand.
“But won't it be awfully dangerous?”
“Awfully.”
He smiled. It was a derisive grimace. She leaned her forehead on her hand. Suicide. It was nothing short of that. Dreadful! She had not thought he would take it like that. She couldn't let him do that. It was cruel. It was not her fault if she did not love him. She couldn't bear the thought that he should kill himself for her sake. Tears flowed softly down her cheeks.
“What are you crying for?”
His voice was cold.
“You're not obliged to go, are you?”
“No, I go of my own free will.”
“Please don't, Walter. It would be too awful if something happened. Supposing you died?”
Though his face remained impassive the shadow of a smile once more crossed his eyes. He did not answer.
“Where is this place?” she asked after a pause.
“Mei-tan-fu? It's on a tributary of the Western River. We should go up the Western River and then by chair.”
“Who is we?”
“You and I.”
She looked at him quickly. She thought she had heard amiss. But now the smile in his eyes had travelled to his lips. His dark eyes were fixed on her.
“Are you expecting me to come too?”
“I thought you'd like to.”
Her breath began to come very fast. A shudder passed through her.
“But surely it's no place for a woman. The missionary sent his wife and children down weeks ago and the A.P.C. man and his wife came down. I met her at a tea-party. I've just remembered that she said they left some place on account of cholera.”
“There are five French nuns there.”
Panic seized her.
“I don't know what you mean. It would be madness for me to go. You know how delicate I am. Dr. Hayward said I must get out of Hong Kong on account of the heat. I could never stand the heat up there. And cholera: I should be frightened out of my wits. It's just asking for trouble. There's no reason for me to go. I should die.”
He did not answer. She looked at him in her desperation and she could hardly restrain a cry. His face had a sort of black pallor which suddenly terrified her. She saw in it a look of hatred. Was it possible that he wanted her to die? She answered her own outrageous thought.
“It's absurd. If you think you ought to go it's your own lookout. But really you can't expect me to. I hate illness. A cholera epidemic. I don't pretend to be very brave and I don't mind telling you that I haven't pluck for that. I shall stay here until it's time for me to go to Japan.”
“I should have thought that you would want to accompany me when I am about to set out on a dangerous expedition.”
He was openly mocking her now. She was confused. She did not quite know whether he meant what he said or was merely trying to frighten her.
“I don't think any one could reasonably blame me for refusing to go to a dangerous place where I had no business or where I could be of no use.”
“You could be of the greatest use; you could cheer and comfort me.”
She grew even a little paler.
“I don't understand what you're talking about.”
“I shouldn't have thought it needed more than average intelligence.”
“I'm not going, Walter. It's monstrous to ask me.”
“Then I shall not go either. I shall immediately file my petition.”
第二天，午饭后她正躺着小憩的时候，突然被一阵敲门声惊醒，她赶忙坐起身来。
“是谁呀？”她有点儿生气地喊道。
在每天的这个时间，她不习惯被人打扰。
“是我。”
她听出是丈夫的声音，赶紧坐了起来。
“进来。”
“我把你吵醒了吗？”他边进门边问道。
“事实上，你的确把我吵醒了。”她用一种看上去很自然的口吻回答道，在过去的两天里，她就是用这种口吻跟他讲话的。
“你能来一下隔壁的房间吗？我有话跟你说。”
她的心一下子又跳到了嗓子眼。
“我披上睡袍就来。”
他走开了，她把光着的脚伸到拖鞋里，把自己裹到了长袍里，抽空冲镜子看了一下自己，看到自己脸色苍白，于是往脸上擦了点儿胭脂。她在隔壁的门前站了一会儿，平息了一下要和沃尔特摊牌的紧张心情，然后带着一种义无反顾的神情走进了房间。
“你今天怎么能在这个时候从实验室里抽开身？”她说道，“我平时在这个点儿看不到你回来。”
“你为什么不坐下来？”
他没有看她，说话的语气很严肃。她很高兴他提出了这个要求，因为她发觉自己的双腿有点儿抖，无法再用开玩笑的口吻继续说下去了，所以只能保持沉默。他也坐了下来，点着了一支香烟，眼睛不安地向房间里四下望着，似乎很难开口。
突然他的目光落到了她的身上，因为他的眼睛原本一直在努力回避她，所以这样紧盯着她着实吓了她一跳。她使劲忍住了才没喊叫。
“你听说过湄潭府这个地方吗？”他问道，“最近报纸上登了很多关于这个地方的事儿。”
她惊讶地望着他，犹犹豫豫地说道：
“是发生霍乱的那个地方吗？阿布斯诺特先生昨天晚上谈起过它。”
“这种病正在快速传播，我认为这种已经流行多年的疾病现在达到爆发的高峰期了。那儿原来有一名医疗传教士，但他三天前死于霍乱，那儿还有几个法国修女，当然还有一个海关的人，其他的人都被疏散出去了。”
他的眼睛仍然盯着她，她也不能回避，只好试图解读出他话中的含义。但是她还是紧张，只能辨别出他的话语里有一种奇怪的专注与认真。他怎么能如此目光坚定，眼睛甚至眨都不眨？
“法国的修女们在竭尽所能地帮助病人，她们把失去父母的孤儿转到医院里，但是人们还是成片地死去。我自己要求去疫区并作为负责人承担起责任。”
“你？”
她被吓了一跳。她的第一反应是如果他去了，她就自由了，可以没有任何束缚和障碍地与查理约会了。但是这个想法让她吃了一惊，她觉得自己的脸红了。他为什么用那样的目光看着她？她尴尬地扭过头去。
“有必要那样做吗？”她支支吾吾地说道。
“那个地方现在没有一个外国医生。”
“但你不是医生，你是个细菌学家。”
“我是个医学博士，你知道，在我从事细菌研究之前，我在一家医院里做了很多全科医生的工作。而事实上，我首先还是一位细菌学家，这个身份对于应对这场瘟疫大有好处，而且这对于我的研究工作也是一个难得的机会。”
他几乎是用一种漫不经心的方式说出这番话的，但她偷偷地瞥了他一眼，吃惊地发现他的眼中有一种嘲弄的神色，让她无法理解。
“但是这会不会真的很危险？”
“确实很危险。”
他微笑着，那是嘲弄的而又痛苦的表情。她把前额靠在手臂上。那简直就是自杀，可怕的自寻死路，她从没想到他会使出这样一招。她不能让他这样做，这太残酷了。如果她不爱他，也不是她的错啊。她无法忍受他因为她而去自杀，泪水无声地滑下了面颊。
“你哭什么？”
他的声音冷冰冰的。
“你没有义务一定要去，是吧？”
“没有，但我心甘情愿去。”
“请不要去，沃尔特。如果你出了什么事，那真是太可怕了。你要是死了怎么办？”
虽然他依旧面无表情，但是眼睛里再次透出一丝笑意。他没有作答。
“这个地方在哪儿？”一阵沉默之后，她开口问道。
“湄潭府？它在西江的一条支流旁边，我们到那儿得沿江坐船到上游，然后再坐轿过去。”
“我们是谁？”
“你和我。”
她快速地看了他一眼，以为自己听错了。但是他眼中的微笑现在已经转移到了嘴角，他的黑眼珠一动不动地盯着她。
“你希望我也跟你一起去吗？”
“我觉得你会愿意跟我一道去的。”
她的呼吸变得急促起来，一股寒意传遍了全身。
“但是那儿肯定是不适合女人去的。那个传教士把他的妻子和孩子几周前都送了回来，还有去送阿司匹林的人和他的妻子也刚回到香港。我在一个茶会上遇见了她，我刚想起来她说他们因为霍乱离开了某个地方。”
“还有五个法国修女在那儿呢。”
恐慌占据了她的心。
“我不明白你的意思，我要去可是个疯狂的举动。你知道我是多么的柔弱。赫华德医生说我必须离开香港，因为我受不了这里的炎热，我更受不了那儿的潮热呀，何况还有霍乱，听一耳朵我都会吓得魂飞魄散。去那地方就是自讨苦吃，我没有理由去那个地方，我会死的。”
他没有回答，她绝望地望着他，几乎控制不住要大声喊叫了。他的脸色死灰中挂着苍白，突然让她觉得惊恐万分，从他的脸上她看出了憎恶的表情。有没有可能他就是想让她去死？她不顾一切地喊出了自己的想法。
“这太荒唐了，如果你认为你应该去，那是你自己的决定，但你绝不要指望我也去。我讨厌疾病，更别说传染很快的霍乱了，我不会假装自己有多勇敢，我也不介意告诉你我没有勇气到那种地方去，我要待在这儿直到我该去日本的时候。”
“我原以为当我马上出发要奔赴一个危险的地方的时候，你会想着要陪伴在我身边呢。”
他现在正在公开地嘲笑她，她也有点儿困惑，不知道他真的要像他说的那样去做，还是仅仅吓唬她一下。
“我觉得任何人都会理解我拒绝身赴险境的决定，本来我去那个地方也——也起不到什么作用。”
“你能起的作用可大了，你能让我开心和舒服。”
她的脸色变得更白了。
“我不明白你在说些什么。”
“我看要搞明白我的话不需要什么特别的智力吧。”
“我不会去的，沃尔特，你这样强求我也太过分了。”
“那么我也不去了，我马上收回我的申请。”
