双语·面纱 第十二章
She knew him very little then, and now, though they had been married for nearly two years, she knew him but little more. At first she had been touched by his kindness and flattered, though surprised, by his passion. He was extremely considerate; he was very attentive to her comfort; she never expressed the slightest wish without his hastening to gratify it. He was constantly giving her little presents. When she happened to feel ill no one could have been kinder or more thoughtful. She seemed to do him a favor when she gave him the opportunity of doing something tiresome for her. And he was always exceedingly polite. He rose to his feet when she entered a room, he gave her his hand to help her out of a car, if he chanced to meet her in the street he took off his hat, he was solicitous to open the door for her when she left a room, he never came into her bedroom or her boudoir without a knock. He treated her not as Kitty had seen most men treat their wives, but as though she were a fellow-guest in a country house. It was pleasing and yet a trifle comic. She would have felt more at home with him if he had been more casual. Nor did their conjugal relations draw her closer to him. He was passionate then, fierce, oddly hysterical too, and sentimental.
It disconcerted her to realize how emotional he really was. His self-control was due to shyness or to long training, she did not know which; it seemed to her faintly contemptible that when she lay in his arms, his desire appeased, he who was so timid of saying absurd things, who so feared to be ridiculous, should use baby talk. She had offended him bitterly once by laughing and telling him that he was talking the most fearful slush. She had felt his arms grow limp about her, he remained quite silent for a little while, and then without a word released her and went into his own room. She didn't want to hurt his feelings and a day or two later she said to him:
“You silly old thing, I don't mind what nonsense you talk to me.”
He had laughed in a shamefaced way. She had discovered very soon that he had an unhappy disability to lose himself. He was self-conscious. When there was a party and everyone started singing Walter could never bring himself to join in. He sat there smiling to show that he was pleased and amused, but his smile was forced; it was more like a sarcastic smirk, and you could not help feeling that he thought all those people enjoying themselves a pack of fools. He could not bring himself to play the round games which Kitty with her high spirits found such a lark. On their journey out to China he had absolutely refused to put on fancy dress when everyone else was wearing it. It disturbed her pleasure that he should so obviously think the whole thing a bore.
Kitty was lively; she was willing to chatter all day long and she laughed easily. His silence disconcerted her. He had a way which exasperated her of returning no answer to some casual remark of hers. It was true that it needed no answer, but an answer all the same would have been pleasant. If it was raining and she said: “It's raining cats and dogs.” she would have liked him to say: “Yes, isn't it?” He remained silent. Sometimes she would have liked to shake him.
“I said it was raining cats and dogs,” she repeated.
“I heard you,” he answered, with his affectionate smile.
It showed that he had not meant to be offensive. He did not speak because he had nothing to say. But if nobody spoke unless he had something to say, Kitty reflected, with a smile, the human race would very soon lose the use of speech.
她那时对他了解得很少，而现在，虽然他们已经结婚将近两年了，但是她对他的了解也就多了一点点。起初，她被他的善良和奉承感动，对他的热情甚至有点儿感到意外。他特别体贴，格外关注她的感受，只要她张口，哪怕是鸡毛蒜皮的小事，他也会忙不迭地去满足。他还经常给她一些小礼物。当她不巧病了，没人会比他更体贴入微的了。要是她能够给他一些为她排忧解难的机会，似乎是在给他恩惠。而且他总是对她彬彬有礼，她走进屋里，他会站起身，她下车时，他总是用手搀扶着她，如果碰巧在街上遇到她，他还会脱帽致敬。当她离开房间时，他会很关切地为她开门，只要进入她的卧室或者闺房，他一定会先敲门，他对待凯蒂，一点儿也不像她见过的大多数丈夫对待妻子那样，而像是同去乡间别墅度假的客人，虽然有点儿滑稽，但还是让人感觉很受用的。可如果他能更随意些，反而能让凯蒂有和他在过日子的感觉。他们的夫妻关系并没有让她觉得和他更为亲近，他那时热情似火，也还有些怪怪的歇斯底里和多愁善感。
让她感到不安的是她认识到他真的很情绪化，他的自我控制要么是因为害羞，要么是因为长期的训练，她不明白到底是哪一种原因。当她躺在他的怀抱中时，他的欲望好像得到了满足，平时怯懦的他会说一些唐突的事情，担心会被看成是荒唐可笑的人，所以用小孩的语气说出来，这似乎让她有点儿对他不屑。她曾经有一次深深地伤害了他，她嘲笑他说，他说的净是吓人的胡话，话刚一说完，她觉得他抱着她的双臂马上松软了下来，他好一会儿一言不发，随后放开了她，径直走回了卧室。她不想伤害他的感情，所以过了一两天后，她对他说：
“你这个傻家伙，我才不介意你对我说的那些胡话呢。”
他不好意思地笑了笑。她随即发现他对这事还不能完全释怀。沃尔特的自我意识很强，在聚会上，每个人都开始唱歌了，可他无法融入其中，他坐在一边微笑着，表现出很愉快、觉得好玩的样子，但他的笑是硬挤出来的，更像是略带讥讽的假笑，让你禁不住觉得，在他眼中，那些自娱自乐的人是一群傻瓜。他自己不会参与集体游戏，而凯蒂会兴致勃勃地觉得这些游戏很好玩。在回中国的旅途中，有一次假面舞会，每个人都化装打扮，可他就是死活不肯穿上奇装异服，也显然认为整个活动无聊透顶，这不免扫了凯蒂的兴。
凯蒂是个很活泼的人，她愿意整天都跟人聊天，也很爱笑。他的沉默寡言让她觉得不安。她经常会说个不停，可他根本不搭腔，这让凯蒂很是恼火，虽然凯蒂的唠叨有时确实不需要搭腔，但有去言而无回应总是会让人不爽。比如外面下雨了，她会说：“真是瓢泼大雨。”她可能会希望他回应：“可不是吗？真是这样。”但他一言不发。有时，她真想去扇他几巴掌。
“我说外面下瓢泼大雨了。”她重复道。
“我听见你说了。”他怜爱地笑着回应道。
这表示他无意冒犯她，他没吭声不过是因为确实无话可说。但是，如果每个人只有在有话时才说出来，那么人类很快就会失去语言能力，凯蒂带着微笑暗自思忖。
