英语美文朗读 第359期 Being Happy Or Having Meaning In Life(上)

I used to think the whole purpose of life was pursuing happiness. Everyone said the path to happiness was success, so I searched for that ideal job, that perfect boyfriend, that beautiful apartment. But instead of ever feeling fulfilled, I felt anxious and adrift. And I wasn't alone; my friends -- they struggled with this, too.

 

我曾以为人生的目标就是追求快乐。大家都说，成功是通往快乐的路，所以我就去寻找理想的工作、完美的男友、还有漂亮的公寓。可是，我不但没有感到圆满，反而觉得焦虑、茫然。而且不只是我，我的好朋友们也是一样。

 

Eventually, I decided to go to graduate school for positive psychology to learn what truly makes people happy. But what I discovered there changed my life. The data showed that chasing happiness can make people unhappy. And what really struck me was this: the suicide rate has been rising around the world, and it recently reached a 30-year high in America. Even though life is getting objectively better by nearly every conceivable standard, more people feel hopeless, depressed and alone. There's an emptiness gnawing away at people, and you don't have to be clinically depressed to feel it. Sooner or later, I think we all wonder: Is this all there is? And according to the research, what predicts this despair is not a lack of happiness. It's a lack of something else, a lack of having meaning in life.

我最后决定去研究生院读正向心理学，去寻找能让人开心的东西是什么。我在那儿的发现，改变了我的人生。数据显示，追求快乐会让人不快乐。真正让我震惊的是这点：全球的自杀率不断攀升，最近在美国达到三十年来的新高。虽然客观来说，生活变好了，无论用什么标准来衡量，结果都是一样的：有更多人感到无助、沮丧、及孤独。有一种空虚感在侵蚀人们，并不需被临床诊断出沮丧也能感觉到这个现象。我想，迟早我们都会想要知道：难道就只有这样而已吗？根据研究，绝望的原因并不是缺乏快乐，而是缺乏某样东西，是缺乏人生意义。

 

But that raised some questions for me. Is there more to life than being happy? And what's the difference between being happy and having meaning in life? Many psychologists define happiness as a state of comfort and ease, feeling good in the moment. Meaning, though, is deeper. The renowned psychologist Martin Seligman says meaning comes from belonging to and serving something beyond yourself and from developing the best within you. Our culture is obsessed with happiness, but I came to see that seeking meaning is the more fulfilling path. And the studies show that people who have meaning in life, they're more resilient, they do better in school and at work, and they even live longer.

但这就让我产生了一些问题。难道人生不只是要快乐吗？活得快乐和活得有意义之间有什么差别？许多心理学家把快乐定义为一种舒服自在的状态，在当下感觉很好。而意义则更深。知名心理学家马丁赛里格曼说，意义来自归属感、致力于超越自我之外的事物，以及从内在发展出最好的自己。我们的文化对「快乐」相当痴迷，但我发现，寻找意义才是更让人满足的道路。且研究指出，有人生意义的人适应力也会比较强，他们在学校及职场的表现较佳，他们甚至活得比较久。

 

So this all made me wonder: How can we each live more meaningfully? To find out, I spent five years interviewing hundreds of people and reading through thousands of pages of psychology, neuroscience and philosophy. Bringing it all together, I found that there are what I call four pillars of a meaningful life. And we can each create lives of meaning by building some or all of these pillars in our lives.

所以这一切让我开始想，我们每个人要如何活得有意义？为了找出答案，我花了五年时间，访谈了数百人，阅读了数千页的心理学、神经科学、及哲学。把这些汇整起来，我发现了一件事，我称之为「人生意义的四大支柱」。我们可以彼此相互建立起这些支柱，在彼此的人生中找到人生的意义。

 

The first pillar is belonging. Belonging comes from being in relationships where you're valued for who you are intrinsically and where you value others as well. But some groups and relationships deliver a cheap form of belonging; you're valued for what you believe, for who you hate, not for who you are. True belonging springs from love. It lives in moments among individuals, and it's a choice -- you can choose to cultivate belonging with others.

第一根支柱是归属感。归属感来自于一种关系，一种你与他人在本质上彼此是否处在相互珍惜的关系中。但有些群体或关系，提供的是廉价形式的归属感；你被重视的原因是因为你所相信的事物、你对人的好恶、而不是你的本质。真正的归属感源自于爱。它存在于个体间共处的时光当中，且它是一种选择──你可以选择与他人培养归属感。

 

Here's an example. Each morning, my friend Jonathan buys a newspaper from the same street vendor in New York. They don't just conduct a transaction, though. They take a moment to slow down, talk, and treat each other like humans. But one time, Jonathan didn't have the right change, and the vendor said, "Don't worry about it." But Jonathan insisted on paying, so he went to the store and bought something he didn't need to make change. But when he gave the money to the vendor, the vendor drew back. He was hurt. He was trying to do something kind, but Jonathan had rejected him.

举例来说，每天早晨，我在纽约的朋友强纳森都会向同一个街头小贩买一份报纸。不过，他们并不是只有交易的关系。他们会停下来，花点时间说说话，把彼此当朋友对待。但有一次，强纳森的零钱不够，小贩说：「没关系不用了啦。」但强纳森坚持要付钱，所以他去一家店，买了他不需要的东西，把钞票找开。但当他把钱给小贩时，小贩退缩了。他感到受伤。他试着想表现友好，但强纳森拒绝了他。

 

I think we all reject people in small ways like this without realizing it. I do. I'll walk by someone I know and barely acknowledge them. I'll check my phone when someone's talking to me. These acts devalue others. They make them feel invisible and unworthy. But when you lead with love, you create a bond that lifts each of you up.

我想，我们都曾像这样在小地方拒绝别人却没有意识到。我就有过。我会从认识的人旁边走过，却没跟他们打招呼。当有人在跟我说话时，我会看手机。这类行为是在贬低别人的价值，让他们觉得自己是隐形的、不值得的。但若用爱来引导，你就会创造出一种联结，让你们彼此都振奋起来。

 

For many people, belonging is the most essential source of meaning, those bonds to family and friends. For others, the key to meaning is the second pillar: purpose. Now, finding your purpose is not the same thing as finding that job that makes you happy. Purpose is less about what you want than about what you give. A hospital custodian told me her purpose is healing sick people. Many parents tell me, "My purpose is raising my children." The key to purpose is using your strengths to serve others. Of course, for many of us, that happens through work. That's how we contribute and feel needed. But that also means that issues like disengagement at work, unemployment, low labor force participation -- these aren't just economic problems, they're existential ones, too. Without something worthwhile to do, people flounder. Of course, you don't have to find purpose at work, but purpose gives you something to live for, some "why" that drives you forward.

对很多人来说，归属感是人生意义的重要来源，就是与家人及朋友之间的联结。对其他人来说，第二根人生意义的支柱是目的。找到你的目的并不是指找到让你快乐的工作。目的的重点是你能给予什么，而不是你想要什么。一位医院管理员告诉我，她的目的是治愈生病的人。很多家长告诉我：「我的目的是扶养我的孩子。」目标的关键在于用你的力量去服务他人。当然，对很多人而言，这是透过工作来达成的。那是我们做出贡献和感到被需要的方式。但这也意味着，像是无心工作、失业、低劳动参与率等等议题──这些不仅是经济问题，也是存在主义问题。人们若没有值得去做的事，就会挣扎折腾。当然，你不需要从工作中找到目的，但目的能让你有活下去的意义，有驱使你向前行的「理由」。