第一页：片段欣赏

第二页：巧学口语

第三页：小小翻译家

第四页：文化一瞥

 

 

 

 

影片对白：

Alex: Look, you seem like a cool girl, so I'm just gonna be honest with you. Conor's never gonna call you.

Gigi: Oh, really. How do you know?

Alex: Because I'm a guy, and it's just how we do it.

Gigi: He said it was nice meeting me.

Alex: I don't care if he said you were his favorite female since his mommy and Joanie Cunningham. Over a week went by, okay, Gigi? And he didn't call you.

Gigi: But maybe he did call and I didn't get the message. Or maybe he lost my number...or he's out of town, or got hit by a cab, or his grandma died.

Alex: Or maybe he just didn't call because he has no interest in seeing you again.

Gigi: Yeah. But my friend Terri once went out with a guy who never called. She totally wrote him off. Over a year goes by.

Alex: Right.

Gigi: She ran into him, and it ended up that-

Alex: Your friend Terri's an idiot. She's also the exception, by the way. The rare exception.

Gigi: Okay. Okay. But what if I'm the exception?

Alex: No, you're not. You're not at all. In fact, you're the rule. And the rule is this: If a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't wanna call you.

Gigi: Really?

Alex: Yeah.

Gigi: Always?

Alex: Yeah, always. Look, I know what blowing off a woman looks like, okay? I do it early, I do it often. So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions.

Gigi: Thank you. Given me a lot to think about.

*****************************

Gigi: Morning, morning. Excuse me. Hi.

Janine: Hi. Everything okay?

Gigi: Oh, I was up all night.

Janine: Please say you were working on the nutmeg copy.

Gigi: Sure. It's done. It's basically done. I have to tell you something important.

Beth: Sweetie? What's going on with your hair? Yeah, come here before people see you have a mini muffin in your hair.

Gigi: Okay. So...Thank you. I think I figured it out. Remember when I went out with that notary public and he cheated on me? Then Anastasia from upstairs told me her boyfriend cheated on her at the beginning but then he totally changed and now they're married and crazy in love?

Beth: I thought that guy was a process server.

Gigi: No, notary. Anyway, my point is, Anastasia's the exception, not the rule. We have to stop listening to these stories. Because the rule is that most guys who cheat on you frankly don't care about you very much.

Janine: Okay.

Gigi: Okay, so Exhibit A: Chad, the drummer who lived in a storage space. He only used me for rides, and yet I continued to stalk him for most of 1998. And then... Oh, there was Don, who broke up with me every Friday so that he could have his weekends free. I was delusional about that relationship. I used to refer to him as my husband to many people including my dental hygienist. And anyways, all of my friends used to tell me stories about how things might work out with these dipshits, because they knew someone who knew someone who dated a dipshit just like mine, and that girl ended up getting married. But that's the exception. We're not the exception, we're the rule.

 

 

Beth: Okay, let me just see if I understand. So what you're saying is...if I hear a story about a girl who's been with a guy for 13 years and he finally married her, that's the exception.

Gigi: Yes.

Beth: But the rule are guys like Neil...who are with girls like me...for seven years and aren't married...they're never getting married.

Gigi & Janine: No.

Gigi: No, no, no. No, no, no. No.

Janine: It's not what she meant in that-

Gigi: No, it's got nothing to do with you. I absolutely was not talking about you.

Janine: These are specific relationship situations.

Gigi: I was talking about myself specifically. Just me specifically, you know?

***********************

Anna: This guy is, like, impossible not to like, you know? He's flirting with me pretty heavily outside of the Handy Mart...and, you know, everything just kind of lines up, it's really magical. And then he tells me that he's married. Which, of course, I should be pissed about, right? But I just...I can't stop thinking about him.

Mary: But he's married.

Anna: I know, I realize that. I don't know what's wrong with me. What's wrong with me?

Mary: Okay. I know this guy, he works in my dad's printing business. And he was married for 15 years to a nice lady. And one night he meets this woman at some church event. And he tells my dad that he's never felt anything like it before. That he had finally met the one. So he divorced his wife...and he's been with this other woman for 22 years...and they're insanely happy. I mean, what if you meet the love of your life...but you already married someone else? Are you supposed to let them pass you by?

Anna: You're right. Okay. I'm gonna call him.

Mary: Okay.

[page]

第一页：片段欣赏

第二页：巧学口语

第三页：小小翻译家

第四页：文化一瞥

 

 

 

 

 

1. write off: 放弃，把……看作不存在。看一下例子：All the newspaper reporters wrote the play off as useless.（所有的报纸记者都认为这出戏毫无意义。）

2. run into: 偶遇。例如：I ran into an old friend in a pub.（我在酒吧碰到了一位老朋友。）

3. notary public: 公证员。

4. process server: 执达员。

5. stalk: 跟踪。

6. delusional: 妄想的。其名词形式是delusion，意思是“误会，错觉；妄想症”。看一下例子：Tom was under the delusion that he was a VIP.（汤姆怀有错觉，认为自己是个要人。）

7. dental hygienist: 牙科保健员。

8. dipshit: 【口】【粗】笨蛋，蠢猪。

9. be pissed about: 气疯了；怒冲冲的。

10. insanely: 疯狂地。在这里起到加强语气的作用。看一下例子：My husband is insanely jealous.（我丈夫是个醋坛子。）

[page]

第一页：片段欣赏

第二页：巧学口语

第三页：小小翻译家

第四页：文化一瞥

 

 

 

 

 

1. 政治问题人士中鲜有人认定他成不了气候的。

 _______________________________________________

2. 卡森患有妄想症。

_______________________________________________

3. 昨天我无意中遇见旧时女友，唤起一些昔时的记忆。

_______________________________________________

4. 他周末在苏格兰高地追踪鹿的行踪。

_______________________________________________

答案见下期

 《其实你不懂他的心》精讲之二参考答案

1. I hope to get round to answering your request next week.

2. She is exhausted by a demanding job.

3. He is a sneaky man.

4. No one can stand in my way.

[page]

第一页：片段欣赏

第二页：巧学口语

第三页：小小翻译家

第四页：文化一瞥

 

 

 

 

 

美国的大龄女青年问题

 一九八九年，好莱坞推出了受人欢迎的《当哈里遇到莎丽》。电影中梅格·瑞安扮演的那位年过三十的大龄女记者对朋友抱怨找男朋友与结婚的困难时，她的话在世界各个大都会中引起了一片同情的回声。瑞安扮演的角色引用了当年《新闻周刊》报道中的话，说“过了四十岁的女人，结婚的机会比被恐怖分子杀死的几率更低”。

八十年代早中期，西方世界刚刚经过了六十年代的性革命和女权主义运动，在政治上处于一个向保守主义回归的时代。那些还没有完全从性革命的兴奋中缓过劲来的青年男女，忽然意识到自己应该结婚成家生孩子了。

于是，绝大部分当初奉行过性开放、独身主义、公社集体生活这一类时髦的试验的年轻人，又纷纷开始踏上了前辈走过的老路：找稳定的工作，找合适的对象结婚、到郊区买房子，从此脱离了年轻反叛者的生活。社会的保守主义于是与里根时代政治的保守主义并驾齐驱地发展。

就在这个过程中，美国的“老姑娘”──想结婚而找不到合适对象的女子──开始成为一个引人注目的社会问题。

美国社会有妇女早婚传统。绝大多数州的法律规定，年满十八岁者有权自行决定婚姻大事。未满十八岁的青少年则需要父母或监护人的批准。八十年代以前，美国妇女平均初婚年龄在二十一至二十二岁之间，男性则在二十五、六岁上下。到八十年代末妇女初婚年龄陡然增长到二十四。如今，美国的初婚平均年龄依然徘徊在女二十五、男二十七上下，是世界发达国家里面平均初婚年龄最低的国家。

虽然平均只增长了两岁，但是这增长的地区幅度却很不一样。农村、小城镇、高中以下教育程度的妇女到今天依然保持着传统的结婚习惯，推迟结婚的主要是大都是受过大学以上教育的妇女。而自从五十年代以来，随着美国大学教育发展，妇女入学的人数比例也越来越高，近年来已经出现了大学中女生人数超过男生的现象。八十年代中期，许多受过大学教育的青年女性突然发现结婚变成了一件非常困难的事情。当年与她们一道上学的留着长头发和大胡子不修边幅的前卫男生年过三十之后相继变成了规规矩矩的居家好男人，娶的妻子多数教育程度比当丈夫的低一点，小日子过得快快活活。

有关社会学研究也应运而生。哈佛大学和耶鲁大学的几位社会学和人口学家在八十年代中期进行了大规模的社会调查，得出结论说，美国受过大学教育的白人女性如果到了三十岁还不结婚，那么往后的结婚几率只有百分之二十；到了三十五岁，几率就只剩下百分之五了。如果到四十岁还单身，那最好对结婚断了念头，因为找到丈夫的机会不到百分之三。于是，各大媒体纷纷报道这个消息，《新闻周刊》还耸人听闻地加上了那段“比被恐怖分子杀死的机会还低”的话。

虽然《新闻周刊》的一句话招来了大批女权主义者的诟病，但是当年的新闻报道还是在广大知识女性心里留下了难以磨灭的阴影。“女性受教育越多，在事业上越成功，结婚就越是困难”被认为是社会的常规现象，女权主义者也一直在批判男权社会用婚姻来打击妇女的成功。许多学者当时断言，职业妇女的结婚率会越来越低，生育子女的可能性也越来越小。

二十年之后，美国社会已经有了很大的变化。二战后婴儿潮时期出生、六七十年代上大学的一代人开始步入老年。到这个时候，研究人员再去回顾八十年代中期的研究及其论断，发现了一些非常有趣的事实：

（一）二十世纪二十年代，美国妇女刚刚获得选举权，开始成批进入高等学府。在以后的几十年里面，“妇女受教育越多结婚越难”的确是个事实。但是这个论断到了婴儿潮一代就开始不再成立。事实上，如今美国高中没有毕业的妇女结婚机会远远低于受过高等教育的妇女。而无论男性还是女性，高等教育都增加了他们找到伴侣的机会。同时，受过高等教育妇女的离婚率在最近几年也在快速下降，整体离婚率已经低于没有受过大学教育的妇女。真正让今天的年轻女性感到为难的是，在女性平均教育程度已经赶上甚至开始超过男性的时候，找到教育程度相当的结婚对象有时会不那么容易。这点在黑人妇女中体现得最明显。黑人妇女的教育程度在过去十年中已经超过了黑人男性，这是造成黑人职业女性在本族群里面结婚难的主要原因之一。

（二）与此相关的，是“大龄女性结婚难”也不再准确。研究人员发现，八十年代单身妇女增加只不过是反映了职业妇女推迟结婚的倾向，而不是拒绝或者没法结婚。当时二三十岁的单身职业女性，五年或十年后绝大部分都在三十五甚至四十岁上结了婚。所谓“四十岁以后结婚几率只有不到百分之三”的说法反映的只是上一代人的状况，根本用不到这代人身上。今天四十岁以上妇女结婚的机会并不比三十岁的女性少太多。在社会总体结婚率下降的情况下，四十岁以上的人登记首次结婚的比例日益上升。更重要的是，晚婚的妇女尤其是职业妇女离婚率要远远低于早婚女性。统计表明，二十岁之前结婚的女性离婚率是平均数字的二至三倍。三四十岁以后才结婚生孩子的职业妇女，通常已经有相当好的经济与事业基础，感情上也要更成熟。她们的婚姻比二十岁上下少不更事的年轻男女的婚姻要稳定得多。

（三）的确，受过高等教育的职业女性中有不少人一直单身，但是她们的单身更多是出于选择而不是被迫。这并不是说她们中大多数不愿意结婚，而是她们普遍奉行“宁缺勿滥”的原则。在收入有保障、个人事业前景乐观、性生活比较开放、社会和家庭不再持续就婚姻对女性施加压力的情况下，许多妇女宁可慢慢等待白马王子的到来，也不愿意凑合结婚。在等待的过程中，许多妇女为了不耽误生育，干脆成了单身母亲。一旦有了孩子，感情上有寄托，作为单身母亲的职业妇女结婚的愿望也会随之降低。

（四）在所有的变化中，男女两性社会角色观念的改变是最令社会学研究人员感兴趣的课题。婴儿潮一代不仅妇女教育程度以及社会经济独立性大为提高，男性也越来越平等对待妇女，甚至出现了不少传统角色倒换的现象。比如，美国现在配偶一方工作一方在家带孩子的人家庭里面，有百分之二十的“家庭主妇”由丈夫来充当。职业妇女在选择伴侣的时候，经济收入越来越成为比较次要的考虑。不少成功的商界或法律界女性公开表示，她们有意寻求收入不稳定甚至干脆没有收入的艺术家为丈夫，因为那样的人“比较浪漫”。另外，年龄上女大男小的现象也开始日益普遍。四五十岁的女性约会比自己小十多岁的男性的现象决不罕见。不仅女性对此津津乐道，大批男性也乐此不疲。

从上述种种现象可以看出，美国在六七十年代性革命和女权运动之后，虽然经过了八十年代表面的保守主义回潮，美国女性的地位的确有了实质性的深刻变化。婴儿潮以后一代又一代的妇女向经济独立和社会平等迈出了多个决定性的步骤，并且已经在争取男性承认和命运自主的道路上获得了重要的成功。

美国受过高等教育的妇女八十年代以来遇到的种种问题，尤其是“大龄成功职业女性结婚难”的问题，对于今天的中国职业妇女来说，恐怕一点也不陌生。自从高考制度恢复以来，中国的知识女性在择偶方面也一直面临着类似的困境。尽管当今中国年轻一代中由于独生子女政策以及传统重男轻女习俗而出现了男女比例的高度失调，高教育、高收入的女性从总体上依然觉得缺乏足够的挑选对象。实现真正的性别平等，看来中国还有一段路要走。